Not So American Idiot
by wabbit sox
Summary: When the marauders take a class trip to the exotic, sensual land of France, Sirius thinks it’s the perfect opportunity to confess his love for everyone’s favorite werewolf. Trouble is, it doesn’t look like Sirius is the only one who wants Remus.
1. an idiot in love

Summary: When the marauders take a class trip to the exotic, sensual land of France, Sirius thinks it's the perfect opportunity to confess his love for everyone's favorite werewolf, trouble is, it doesn't look like Sirius is the only one who wants Remus. And how does the mysterious night club, the Moulin Rouge play into it all?

Warnings: Slash, multiple pairings, uh….Remus torture yay!. I don't own Moulin Rouge or Harry potter, the plot is loosely Moulin Rouge inspired by the way. Uh….I can say naught other then this, so enjoy!

"What's everyone so happy about?" Remus asked with a loud yawn. Everyone's favorite closet werewolf wasn't a morning person by any standard. Heavy lidded amber eyes darted around. It seemed like half of Hogwarts was crowded around the message board, clawing and screaming at each other so they could look at it.

The shrieks of pubescent girls were driving the half asleep Remus insane. He brushed wavy golden locks out of his eye angrily.

"Not sure." Sirius shrugged. Sirius Black towered over Remus at 5'9" and Remus glared up at his friend who promptly slumped over so Remus felt taller. Sirius' long dark hair hung freely down his back in choppy layers. His friends' electric blue eyes made every girl in the hall swoon. "Jamesy can you see any thing?"

"No!" Their other friend called back. James was desperately shoving people aside in an attempt to catch a glimpse of the board. The humorous aspect of this was how James tried to be tough and violent while trying not to have his glasses torn off. He finally withdrew from the crowd to the edge of the hall where Sirius and Remus were standing nonchalantly. "It's a zoo!" He panted.

Sirius sighed dramatically, "Well if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself." He pushed up his sleeves and drew in a deep breath. "Excuse me! Resident sex god of Gryffindor coming through! I'm not wearing a shirt!"

The females in the hall shrieked and cleared a path for Sirius, shoving any offending males away and attacking them. Nobody denied Sirius anything. Remus winced and rubbed his ears. "Lord Sirius, could you possibly cause them to shriek any louder!"

Sirius shot his friend the mischievous grin he was so well known for. He unbuttoned his robes, flashing a dark blue tank top and black low rise jeans. The females shrieked louder and pawed frantically at Sirius.

Remus rolled his eyes. "I knew I shouldn't have asked."

Sirius suddenly grabbed Remus and pushed the smaller boy under one arm and with his other arm he grabbed James. "Aw, Remy, don't feel left out! Jamesy, smile!"

"Stop calling me Jamsey!" James protested as he was dragged through the path of howling females. "You make it sound like I'm your gay lover."

"Oh baby, it's time we came out of the closet!" Sirius teased.

"Well, well, it's the Gryffindorks." A cruel voice snaked from the crowd. The ladies had parted another path to admit Lucius Malfoy, the resident Slytherin sex god. He was accompanied by Daniel Zabinni and Severus Snape.

Sirius sniggered. "My bitches are prettier then yours."

Malfoy stood there, completely stunned. He looked at his bitches. Severus was…alright looking, a little greasy as he hadn't showered today…maybe to pale, a little skinny. Daniel was good-looking with a shock of curly brown locks and pale blue eyes…but Daniel was a little tall to be a good bitch, in fact he was taller then Lucius. Well James was taller then Sirius…But still…

James vs. Daniel…Lucius cursed mentally. James was fitter then Daniel, a.k.a. James had killer abs and the cute glasses were a major plus. Severus vs. Remus….Damn it! Severus was slumping, he looked bored, and his hair was un-styled and un-high lighted. Remus' light golden waves were styled so they constantly flopped in the most adorable way into one eye and shimmered with blood red highlights in the light. His eyes were the deepest, pools of amber…Remus had the prettiest eyes….Lucius snapped himself out of his beauty induced coma. _Oh and that blush! _He gushed mentally. "Damn it!" Lucius snarled. "Come bitches, we got served."

The ladies cheered louder and Remus scowled, despite his blush. "Sirius I am not your bitch!" Remus growled.

"Aw, come on Remy, don't growl at me! I'm sorry…" Sirius pouted.

"Fine." Remus said tersely. He could tell his sharp tone hurt Sirius' feelings a little, but he couldn't help it.

"Oh praise god!" James cried, pointing at the board.

Sirius darted forward and read the message. "This year as part of muggle and magical social studies, all Hogwarts Years will be taking a special trip to a foreign country to aid in their magical and social development!"

"We're going to miss school!" James cried. "Read on, oh prophet of Gryffindor!"

"The first years will be traveling to…Liverpool?"

"So exotic." Remus cackled.

Sirius grinned at Remus and continued reading. "Second years will be visiting… Ireland! Third years, Germany, Fourth years, Norway, Fifth years, Spain, Sixth years, France!"

"We're going to France!" James shrieked.

"France! The books, the museums! The history! The-" Remus cried joyously.

"Nude beaches!" Sirius interrupted. "Night clubs, hotels, hot Europeans!"

"Amen to that!" James gave Sirius a high five.  
"Uncultured dolts." Remus muttered darkly.

"Hm…" Sirius said jokingly. "Well Remus we'll go to one museum, one!"

"Yeah, the porn museum!" James whispered loudly. Sirius broke into hysterical laughter.

Remus huffed and shook his head. "Well I'm going to go find someone interesting to talk to." He walked casually out of the hall.

"ha….Ha….Ha…." Sirius glanced nervously after Remus. "hah?"

"You killed it." James sighed. "Jes Sirius, what's up with you?"

"Nothing." Sirius lied easily. He looked back at the path Remus had walked out. _Damn it! How can I like Remus! He's one of my best friends! _

"Sirius you were flirting more then usual." James argued he started to walk instinctively to the marauders 'place', under the large willow tree near the lake. It wasn't the weeping willow, it was the willow. Many students were milling about, talking excitedly about the trips.

Sirius stuffed his hands in his pockets and sighed. It was a crisp fall day, the trees were all brilliant shades of red and gold. Sirius liked the cool wind, he didn't get cold easily. In fact, according to Remus, he was an anorexic polar bear. "Yeah….I guess I was a little over the top."

"A little!" James exclaimed. "Spill, dude."

"Uh…Look…James you're my best friend…and I trust you," Sirius murmured. "Honestly! But I feel…er….uncomfortable about the person whom I am currently in liking with…"

James nodded sympathetically. Few people could express their emotions as well as Sirius, he could warp the English language so well it was scary. He was also outright and forward with his feelings. Sirius hated liars, even though he, himself, could tell a very pretty tale. "Alright." James sat down and leaned against the trunk of the tree.

Sirius sat down and fidgeted nervously for a moment before bending his knees and resting his arms on them. "I…I'm not really sure what to say…or do…."

This took James by surprise. "You? Sirius Black! Not know what to say to a crush…well now I've seen everything!"

Sirius blushed lightly and softly said, "It's different…I'm honestly not sure how I feel…I've known this person for so long. I get butterflies in my stomach every time they're around and I just get so giddy whenever I touch them…"

"Sounds like love." James commented with a sly grin. "Do you talk to them often?"

"Well…erm…" Sirius went bright red. "Yeah."

James hadn't seen Sirius talking with many girls lately…in fact he hardly talked to girls…just shagged them. "So whose the lucky fox?"

"I-uh…" Sirius buried his face in his arms. "It's more a wolf." He mumbled.

"Who?"

"It's more a wolf then a fox." Sirius said a little louder. He knew James was in complete shock now and he was right. James Potter, honestly was to shocked to say anything…even laugh. Sirius turned an even brighter shade of red.

"Are you pulling my leg?" James asked suspiciously. He glanced over at the said werewolf who was talking animatedly to a group of seventh year Ravenclaws. Sure Remus was…well James guessed Remus was good looking. The more James looked at him the more he noticed how Remus had grown from a pale, shy little kid with big bushy hair and a ready blush. To this. His thick waves now fit the shape of his head, sure Remus was only 5'7, but he was….cute.

"No…" Sirius sighed. "I wish I was."

"So you regret liking him?" James muttered.

"No!" Sirius snapped angrily. "I don't regret liking him, I'm just saying…It makes things more complicated."

"Well you know he's also a guy, he's a complete airhead when it comes to people liking him, he's almost your complete opposite," James smiled at Sirius' horrified expression, "Oh yes my friend, the list goes on and on."

"But…." Sirius protested. He looked back at his love interest and sighed longingly. "I can make it work…"

"Siri he thinks your straight." James said pointedly.

"Bloody jealous pervert." Sirius muttered darkly.

"Sirius I'm not trying to discourage your little romance here." James said sharply. He noticed Sirius crestfallen look and said tenderly. "I'm just trying to be realistic. I don't want you to get your heart broken…and I don't you to break his."

Sirius looked back at his friend miserably. "I think I love him."

James sighed. "Sirius you're a player. How the hell would you know what love is?"

"You just do James…." Sirius sighed. "You'll know someday."

"Oh lord." James said exasperatedly. "Either you've been drugged, or you really are in love."

"I think its love." Sirius snickered.

"Oh sweet Jesus," James moaned. He fell back against the trunk of the tree, one hand dramatically covering his eyes. "This'll be some trip."


	2. an idiot with amnesia

_"Oh sweet Jesus," James moaned. He fell back against the trunk of the tree, one hand dramatically covering his eyes. "This'll be some trip." _

And some trip it would be. "Students, students!" Dumbledore called out over the crowd. It was eight thirty a.m. on Monday, November second. Almost every student in Hogwarts was sitting at their house tables, chattering excitedly about the trip, save for the first years who were mumbling dully about anything but their lame trip. "I see you're all excited about the educational trips we've planned for you!"

The hall erupted in cheers, save from the first year, who tried to disappear behind the pancakes which were being served for breakfast.

"Now, as you all should know, today is Monday. You will leave for your designated location on Friday. We will all be traveling as muggles. Wands are to be concealed at all times unless directed by a teacher. Instead of your first period you will be dividing into your travel groups and meeting with the head teacher of your year. First years will stay here with me, second years will be with Professor Sprout, third years will be with Madam Hooch, Fourth years will be with Professor Sinestra, fifth years will be with Professor Longshanks-"

Sirius, as usual couldn't help but cackle at the potion masters name. Dumbledore shot him a stern glare and Remus grinned at him. Sirius' stomach turned to water as he sat there grinning like a dolt.

"As I was saying, sixth years will be with professor McGonagall, and seventh years….."

Sirius chose to ignore the rest of what Dumbledore said and just sat there, starring at Remus.

_"Remus?" Sirius asked softly. He was standing on a balcony that overlooked a beautiful city of lights. Remus stood across from him, hair waving delicately in the soft breeze. _ _Sirius reached down and enveloped Remus hands with his. There was no moon in the dark sky. _

_"Yes Sirius?" Remus said breathlessly. _

_"I…I've been wanting to tell you something….But I'm not sure how to say it." Sirius sighed. _

_"Please tell me…I won't be able to live knowing your keeping something from me." _The logical part of Sirius' mind scolded him for even fantasizing that Remus would ever say something so painfully ditzy.

_"Oh Remus." Sirius moaned. "Since we got to France I've realized something. I'm not sure how to say it, but I love you." _

_Remus blinked for a moment and then Sirius took a chance and wrapped his arms around the werewolf's neck and kissed him fiercely. It was the most perfect moment in the world. "Sirius? Sirius! Sirius Lee Black!" _

Sirius snapped out of his day dream, starring right into McGonagall's pale blue eyes. "Holy-"

"Language Mr. Black!" The professor snapped. "Now come on." She twirled on her heel and strode away, the sixth years following her obediently.

"Jesus Sirius!" Remus laughed. "What could possibly keep you thinking so hard! She was looking right into your face for five minutes!"

"Erm…Pasta?" Sirius murmured. Remus just laughed. "I-uh-erm….Like pasta?"

James sighed and shook his head and gestured for Sirius to come over. Sirius obeyed. "You idiot, what was that!"

"I like pasta?" Sirius asked wincing.

"Bad dog!" James cuffed Sirius lightly on the head. "Now just relax, just cause you like him doesn't mean you have to be weird around him! It's still our Moony over there," He and Sirius looked at Remus. "He's the same Moony you've been talking with since we were eleven. Now go knock that wolf of his paws!" James pushed Sirius at Remus and sighed. _The things I do for love. _

"Hey Remy!" Sirius looped an arm over Remus shoulders as he usually did.

"Hey paddy." Remus sighed.

"Excited about France?" Sirius asked.

"Well….I was, but I guess we won't be visiting any museums…" Remus pouted jokingly.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Aw come on, don't give me the puppy dog face!"

"Please?"

"Augh, fine. We'll go to a real museum, but a sexy one, like the louver!" Sirius growled.

"Yay!" Remus chuckled.

McGonagall led them to the transfiguration classroom and ordered the all to sit down. "Now, since the only flights we could book to France happen to be tomorrow, you'll al be leaving tomorrow. Therefore we will meet in the grand hall at exactly nine a.m in the morning. It's not a very long flight because we're only going to Paris, it's the capital of France. You'll all be allowed one bag to be checked in the luggage compartment of the plane and one carry on bag.

"Now you will all divide into travel groups of four." McGonagall commanded. Everyone exchanged confused looks. All Sirius could absorb was that they were going to be in the great hall at ten tomorrow and could have two bags.

It took a moment before all the students scrambled into groups. The Marauders didn't need to organize themselves as they were already in their travel group.

"Keep in mind, you will be staying in the same rooms as these people for the entire trip, you will sit with them on the plane, and explore the city with them." McGonagall warned. Nobody moved. "Fine, now once we reach France we will all be checking into our hotel. Each travel group gets one room. We will be in France for nine days. At least five of the eight days must be spent on meeting the requirements of the trip, yes you are being graded!"

The students groaned.

"Stop that groaning, the requirements are simple enough for even Mr. Black to understand."

"Who?" Sirius asked.

McGonagall rolled her eyes. "Never mind, Students will be required to visit three muggle museums, dine at fifteen different French restaurants, experience the French culture, both magical and muggle, I leave that to your interpretation,"

Sirius and James grinned at each other. "Strip club!" The whispered.

"Students will also be required to perform an oral report on what they've learned and experience in France." McGonagall glared at them. "Now you all have the rest of the day off to pack and prepare yourselves. If you require muggle money please give me a note now stating your name and cannot get any money from your parents either today or in France. If you do have your own Gringotts key you can get money in France."

They left the room, Remus looking please that they would have to go to five museums, Sirius drooling over Remus, and James and Peter sniggering about French Strip Clubs.

A/N: okay I know this chapter sucked, but I felt v. uncreative today, but net chapter will be better I promise! Ahem.

Next chapter!

Sirius Black, on a plane! Next to a sleeping Remus! Can you say sexual harassment!

"Remus….there's something in the toilet." Sirius hissed.

"Sirius there is nothing in the air plane toilet!"

"Then why does it makes noises when I press the button!"

Gasp, the hotel room only has two beds? It looks like another sexual harassment suit? Oh Poor Remus.

"NO! James don't make me sleep next to Peter, he snores!" Sirius complained loudly. "And last time I slept in the same bed as him he kicked me! ….all night!"

"And do you sleep with peter often?" James sniggered.

"Are you implying you are jealous?"

And the marauders visit a museum! Oh sweet Jesus protect those poor French art goers.

"Run Remus!"

Remus had been carefully admiring a painting when he saw Sirius running toward him. "What did you do now, Paddy."

"I was sooooo hungry!" Sirius said sheepishly.

"THAT KID LICKED THE PAINTING!" Someone shouted.

"Sirius you painting rapist!" Remus gasped.

"I couldn't help it! She was hot, the fruit draped over her naked body was soooo tempting!"

"PAINTING RAPIST!" People shouted and began to chase after Sirius.


	3. an idiot with big sexy hair

At 10:10 a.m. on Tuesday morning, the sixth years currently attending Hogwarts were sure enough at the London Airport. Almost every student look thoroughly traumatized, due in large part to the infamous Sirius Black.

The trauma had begun late last night…….

Flash back

"Remus we have a serious problem!" James yelled.

"Of course we do, he hasn't taken his medication." Remus snorted. He was carefully folding all his clothes and gently packing them into a muggle suitcase. He'd transfigured his trunk into a normal rolling suit case. They'd just come back from dinner and the entire Gryffindor tower was a frenzy of packing sixteen year olds.

"Oh ha ha." Sirius growled. "Remy this is serious!"

"Duh, who else would it be?"

"Remus!" Sirius yelled.

"Sorry, what was the problem?" Remus chuckled.

"I-uh-erm….." Sirius shuffled nervously. "Well you see I was walking around looking for some shampoo, and I just happened to stumble upon the transfiguration room and I just happened to see some big sexy hair shampoo."

"Metro." Remus coughed.

"Oh ha ha." The Gryffindor said dryly. "but I didn't see anyone with the shampoo, so i….uh…."

"You stole Professor McGonagall's big sexy hair shampoo?" The werewolf sighed, raising an eyebrow elegantly.

"Well it was more of a… borrowed without asking thing." Sirius argued. James sighed, Peter sighed, and Remus sighed. "What!"

"You never learn do you." James laughed. "Remember in third year when you saw the body lotion?" Sirius blushed and nodded. "Remember what McGonagall did when she found out?"

The blood drained out of Sirius' face. "Ops." He dashed into the common room and bellowed, "Everyone hide your condoms and tampons! We have a Code Chartreuse! I repeat, Code Chartreuse!"

Everyone screamed and dashed around, now trying to hide all their valuables in their suitcases. They didn't have time because the door was thrown open and a very angry McGonagall stormed in. "SIXTH YEARS!" She shrieked.

Every sixth year slipped into the common room and sat down quickly and quietly. Any other years streamed silently out of the tower, waving morbidly to the doomed sixth years.

"Somebody took my shampoo." The professor hissed.

Silence. "Why do you think it was one of us?" A girl asked.

"Because, It's always you! It's always been you! And it always will be you!" McGonagall yelled. Sirius grinned a little bit. He was sitting on the floor, next to Remus. James and Peter were on the couch. "Do you think this is funny Black!"

"No sir! - I mean…uh…Professor…ess." Sirius winced.

"ACCIO SUITCASES!" McGonagall shrieked. Multiple suitcases flew at her. The professor ripped them open and began to toss possessions all over the floor. She started with the girls things. A light pink lacy bra flew onto James' face.

Sirius fell into hysterical giggles while James grinned. Lily glared at him and snatched back her bra, cheeks bright pink. "Lil, you took my glasses!" James complained.

"You filthy pervert!" Lily squeaked. "Augh, you don't deserve to see."

McGonagall suddenly stood straight up, with a stingy thing dangling in her hands. All the male eyes widened, it was a thong. The Professor glared right at Lola Johnson, who was bright red. "Miss Johnson, what is this!"

Lola grinned and despite her blush spoke clearly. "It's a thong Professor."

"Why do you own a thong!"

"Well you see they're very comfortable." Lola said matter-of-factly. "They are also very useful. They eliminate visible panty lines, which are very annoying. They also are super cute and come in many different styles."

McGonagall glared, twitched, and flung the thong at Lola. She went back through the suitcases and gasped loudly. She came up from another girls suitcase, holding a small case in her hand. Inside the case, were multi colored pills.

"Candy!" Sirius yelped happily.

"Birth Control." Remus whispered.

"…Women get preg-oooooooooooh." Sirius's eyes widened suddenly.

"You dolt, how exactly do you get women to sleep with you?" Remus teased affectionately.

"With my sexy ass body." Sirius grinned.

"Oh shut up Sirius." Remus muttered.

"Why do you have birth control pills!" McGonagall screamed at Cathy, the only blonde in the Gryffindor house.

"Well would you rather I get pregnant!" Cathy shouted back. "And it's harassment to go through our personal things."

"IT'S ILLEGAL TO STEAL!" McGonagall shrieked. The enraged professor glared at them. "Now, somebody tell me where my shampoo is…."

There was not a sound.

"Fine. We'll wait here till one of you confesses." McGonagall sat down, still glaring at them.

Remus shot Sirius a pleading look, but Sirius shook his head. It took every ounce of his will power not to jump Remus right there. Sirius looked up at the clock, it was already seven. They all sat there in complete silence, and they sat in silence until the clock struck eight. They hardly noticed as the other Gryffindor's streamed back into the tower and into their dorms.

"Well?" McGonagall growled. Nobody moved, the Gryffindor's were to stubborn to just pretend one of them stole the shampoo, and Sirius was to stubborn to say it was him. "When I come back I expect to be told where my shampoo is…if one of you moves an inch, just and inch! I swear I'll…." She trailed off and stormed out.

They were silent for a few moments before Cathy glared at Sirius. "Sirius! Just confess!"

"Oh but I if I do she probably won't let me go!" Sirius wined. "C'mon you guys, we all know McGonagall. She'll come back in an hour and tell us to forget about it! She never stays mad about anything."

The other Gryffindors nodded and mumbled in agreement. "What do we do for an hour?" Lily asked.

"You've heard me say that Goblin is my double, and let me emphasize it, because the duplication of me is always perfect, ad so I've had all my life a mirror held up to me in Goblin in which I could see, if not know, myself." (1) Sirius read in his clear expressive voice. The Sixth years were gathered around him, all completely entranced by his reading of the book.

McGonagall stormed in again and glared at them. "A confession?"

Silence.

"Well then I shall look through the boys suit cases." She promptly started to attack the boys suitcases.

"Sirius did you put the shampoo in your suitcase?" Remus whispered.

"Nope. It's still upstairs." Sirius grinned.

All the suitcases had names on them, except for the marauders They hadn't actually written them yet. So McGonagall gasped and drew back form the suitcase she thought was Sirius' and she held something in front of his face. It was a little red packet. "Condoms Mr. Black!" She seethed.

Sirius regarded the condom for a moment, he was about to say 'no, this is James' condom.' But suddenly Sirius got an idea. If she thought this was his suitcase then she wouldn't think he had the shampoo! "Well would you rather me get some French girl pregnant?" Sirius asked tentatively with a small smile.

"Horny kids." McGonagall snarled. She went back through the rest of the suitcases and didn't find the shampoo. It was nine thirty when McGonagall stormed out again. Sirius sighed and re-opened the book and continued reading. By eleven they were all getting tired.

"No confession?" McGonagall sighed.

More silence.

"Well I suggest you re-pack yourselves, but if I ever find out who took that shampoo." She warned them angrily. "And if your not in the great hall tomorrow at nine then you can go with the first years to Liverpool."

They groaned. "But Professor, you said to be in the hall at ten!" Peter moaned.

"Well I changed my mind." The Professor huffed before walking out.

They all stood up and stretched, Sirius began to hum happily and repack his suitcase while the other Gryffindor's glared at him. "What?"

"You got us in this bloody mess." Lola growled.

"So you pack up our stuff." Lily finished with a smirk.

"But I don't know whose is whose!" Sirius wined.

The Gryffindor's grinned evilly and muttered a naming spell. Their names appeared on all their clothing and Sirius groaned.

"Night Siri!" Cathy giggled.

The girls skipped up the stairs and into the girls dormitory laughing.

"Remus!" Sirius moaned. "Don't leave me!"

"Sorry Siri." Remus grinned. "Sleep tight!"

The taller Gryffindor glared at the werewolf before starting to pack up all the clothes. He worked tirelessly and folded everything up. By twelve thirty he was done. Sirius yawned and walked back upstairs and slipped into the covers and rolled around until three, keeping the other three marauders awake with his constant chattering. What none of them realized was that Sirius asleep.

"James?"

"Go to sleep Sirius."

"Do you think there is a god?"

"I thought you were an atheist! James hissed.

"Well I'm just wondering….What if god's a girl?" Sirius wonder aloud.

"Sirius go to sleep!" James rolled over and miserably tried to block out his friend voice.

They didn't realize that Sirius was sleep talking until they threw him out of bed the next morning.

End Flashback

"Oh sweet Jesus!" James moaned. "What an awful night!"

"Are you referring to the McGonagall incident or the…Sirius talking in his sleep about god.?" Remus shuddered.

"Both!" James exclaimed. "Hey…Where's Sirius?"

"No lily, for the last time I will not read to you!" Sirius growled, he was walking towards the marauders, with Lola, Cathy, and Lily following him.

"Please?" Lola begged.

Sirius tossed the book to James. "Get James' ta do it."

The girls smiled at him and James fumbled with the book for a moment before opening it carefully and beginning to read to the three girls crowded at his feet.

"You don't look so good, Rem." Sirius commented dryly.

"….Sirius." Remus growled. "Still mad at you."

"I'm sorry!" Sirius moaned. He fell onto his knees in front of Remus. "I'm so sorry, Moony! Please find it in your big wolfish heart to forgive me! But honestly how was I supposed to know that portkey led to the men's washroom!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "You could have at least checked with a professor before you grabbed some random portkey."

"I thought it was a fork! A normal fork!" Sirius yelped. "How was I supposed to know it'd take us to the men's washroom!"

Remus sighed. "I forgive you…but….augh!"

Flashback

Remus had to yank his friends out of bed that morning, push them in the shower, and dry their hair for them. Honestly, and mothers complained about having to take care of their children, what about him! Did Remus complain about mothering the three? Nooooo he just was slightly abusive.

"Sirius you stupid hornball you're not supposed to brush your hair with a tooth brush!" Remus screamed.

Sirius jumped and put the tooth brush in his mouth and almost fell asleep on the spot. Remus growled angrily, and started to brush Sirius' teeth for him. "M…." Sirius said pleased

"You idiot." Remus muttered darkly. He threw clothes at the towel clad Sirius and ran into the common room and set up their bags. He ran back into the bathroom and dragged the three to their bags, and pushed them out the door and to the great hall.

"M….Is god a hermaphrodite?" Sirius murmured.

"Shut up about god!" James screamed. He noticed Professor McGonagall instructing people on how to use a portkey. The portky in this case was a fork. The students grabbed onto the fork and began disappearing. "Just grab the portkey and let's go!"

Sirius yawned, he heard McGonagall say, fork and point to a fork sitting on a stool. He didn't notice her scream. "Do not touch that fork! It will take you to an unknown place in the airport! It will also counteract this portkey and transport us all to some random location in the air port!"

"C'mon." he grabbed the fork and disappeared. Sirius didn't notice he dropped his bags as he slipped through the portkey. Remus and James followed, they left their bags with Peter because they thought they were just going to grab Sirius and yell at him to get his own bloody bag, revenge for giving them a hell night of sleep.

"Sirius what-" James started as he noticed Sirius gawking. He joined Sirius. Three Gryffindor mouths opened in horror. They were in the men's washroom…and it was packed…a plane had just let off. They all knew from rumors it was suicide to go into a men's bathroom after a plane had just let off. Generally something about the food in business class had some sort of aphrodisiac in it. Generally only one or two airline foods were like this, but these men were obviously on the infamous

The men slowly started to advance on the three boys.

"Oh god!" James moaned. "The fork! Sirius find the fork!"

But Sirius was occupied. "Back beast!" Sirius yelled, he was standing in front of Remus, protecting him from the onslaught of horny men. "Back!" James realized suddenly that Remus was very pretty for a boy. It was up to him to find the fork!

James spotted it under one of the stalls. On his hands and knees he crawled through the crowd and into the stall, he look up to see an old balding man on the toilet. James shrieked, the man shrieked and kicked the fork away, Sirius shrieked and Remus shrieked.

"Run!" Sirius yelled. He grabbed Remus' arm and pulled him through the crowd, they were suddenly confronted with a threesome of very, very tall men. "Run the other way."

"That's the same way we came from!" Remus yelled.

"The fork!" Sirius yelled, he glanced behind him. "Jamsey!"

"I got the fork!" James screamed, he ran over the sinks and grabbed Remus. They said something and left Sirius, alone, luckily with the fork.

"My bitches left me!" Sirius yelled to nobody in particular. He dashed around like a trapped rat before finally crawling under the sinks. He curled into the corner. "Uh…How do you work this thing!"

He shook the fork, banged it on a wall, in fact he even bit it, but it wouldn't take him back to Hogwarts. "Please dear god, I know I'm an atheist! But save my sexy ass!"

Suddenly Sirius was being sucked away by the fork, and then he fell onto something soft and warm. He looked down to see Lucius Malfoy. "Get off me!" Sirius yelled he scrambled off the Slytherin.

"You fell on me!" Lucius yelled back.

Sirius glared at Lucius. "My posse left me."

"Ah…I know how you feel man." Lucius sighed.

Sirius turned to come face to face with McGonagall. "YOU IDIOT!" She bellowed. "YOU DOLT! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING! I TOLD YOU NOT TO USE THE BLEEDIN FORK AND YET YOU GRAB THE BLOODY FORK!"

"And I'm completely traumatized from it!" Sirius sobbed. "Where are we?"

"WE'RE ON THE BLOODY AIRPLANE ROAD!" Remus yelled.

"Right, students together!" McGonagall yelled. "Now, forward!"

The dashed forward.

"STOP!"

They paused to let a plane drive slowly past them.

"LEFT!"

"NOW RIGHT!"

"SIRIUS I SAID RIGHT NOT LEFT YOU DOLT!"

McGonagall screamed instructions to them until they finally found a way into the airport. The traumatized students collapsed in front to their gate and sat in complete misery.

End Flashback

"Remus I am sorry." Sirius said sincerely.

Remus offered a small smile. "I know. It looks like they're boarding the plane."

Sirius picked up Remus' carry on and his own. "Do you have the ticket things?" Sirius asked.

"Of course!" Remus growled. "I have all of ours."

"What would we do without you, Remus!" James said dramatically.

"Shiver and die." Remus deadpanned.

"I wasn't thinking anything quiet so drastic, but yes, basically." James agreed.

They boarded the plane successfully, but Sirius was quickly confused by the multiple rows of seats, only Remus' careful, tender guidance kept the grim from collapsing in confusion.

Sirius finally had the hang of it after a few minutes and Remsu was very proud of him. The marauders were blocked behind a man and his family in first class.

This man was taking his merry time, putting bags up,

"Wait daddy I need my cds!" The seven year old cooed.

The father took the bag down and put it up again.

"Wait daddy I need my diskman!"

The father repeated the same routine. Sirius shot Remus an angry face, but Remus only sighed patiently.

"Wait daddy I need my head phones!"

The father got the bag from the storage compartment and offered it to the girl again. Then he put it back up. Then the father began to unload his bag, while still standing in the isle. He finally put it under the seat in front of him and then he was about to it down, when backed out into the isle and bent over to pick up the bag again. The father's butt completely hung out of his jeans. And this father was not skinny either. James slammed his hand in front of his mouth, Remus winced, and Sirius hissed.

"Can I hurt him?" Sirius mouthed to Remus, who grinned but shook his head. "Damn."

The father continued to bend over again and again to remove more items from his bag. Finally Sirius snapped. Remus sensed this and shot Sirius a pleading look. But Sirius was beyond pissed off. "Sir, can you please get out of the blood isle! The rest of us need to get on the plane!" The passengers behind Sirius cheered loudly.

"I'm in first class! I paid for these seats and I'll take my time getting in them." The man huffed angrily.

"Well at least pull up your pants then!" Remus growled loudly.

"Hey shut up pretty boy!" The man yelled. He was off his feet seconds later, and lying flat over his four first class seats, nursing the dark bruise where Sirius had punched him hard in the jaw.

"Sirius was that really necessary!" Remus yelped.

"Nobody insults my bitch!" Sirius hissed. He stormed down the isle, looking for their seat number. "Besides you don't stand up for yourself!"

"I don't feel the need to! I really don't mind." Remus stammered.

"Yeah well I do!" Sirius growled. "We're thirty four right?"

"Yeah, thirty four a,b,c,d." Remus nodded.

"I want the window seat!" James yelled, he jumped into the window seat and Peter followed him, then Remus and Sirius was left with the isle. They were seated quickly and Sirius was immediately fascinated.

"Oh Remus what's this?"

"A tray table Sirius."

"Oh….What does it do?"

"It folds down and you eat on it." Remus growled. He tried to go back to reading, but Sirius wasn't letting him go that easily.

"A safety video!" Sirius giggled.

"Yes Sirius." Remus sighed. "You get very, very bored after the first safety video."

"We're moving!" Sirius gasped. "How does it move!"

Remus sighed and slipped on a pair of head phones and continued reading.

Sirius was like a retarded fly, glancing around everywhere and touching everything. "What's this?" The Gryffindor asked, petting something soft in front of him.

"That's my head you idiot!" The guy yelled.

"Woops." Sirius blushed and James laughed. Suddenly the plane started to shake and Sirius started to hop nervously in the seat. "Armageddon!" Sirius shrieked as the plane started to take flight. "The sky is falling!"

Remus sighed and rolled his eyes. It was going to be a long flight.

A/N: lol I know I didn't add in the quote from the last chapter in this one, but I'll ad them in next chapter, promise!


	4. an idiot in awkard situations

A/N: hellloooooo people! I forgot to mention this, but if anyone knows what book Sirius read out loud from they get to submit a special request to me which I shall put in story! (in form of scene preferably, but character works to.) muahhahah, evil out.

"Remus…has the sky stopped falling?" Sirius whimpered. He was curled into a little ball in his seat.

Remus glanced over at the dark haired boy and rolled his eyes. "Yes Sirius, now go find something to do."

"If I move will I die?"

"No, but if you say anything else you will." Remus growled.

Sirius decided the only way to assuage Remus was to find food, a blanket, and another murder mystery book to read. So he carefully stepped out of his seat, and slid into the isle. He took one carefully step, and then another, and within moments he was walking calmly to the back of the plane.

He suddenly spotted a flight attendant sitting, and reading something. She was a very pretty brunette. "Hey beautiful." Sirius said smoothly.

The brunette looked up blushing. "Hi. Did you need something?"

"Uh….You see my friend over there," Sirius gestured to the blonde werewolf. "He's a little mad at me and I need some food as an offering."

"Oh! That's so cute!" She gushed. "Do you like him?"

"Uh….Er…yeah, sorta kinda…." Sirius stammered.

She giggled and quickly found a sausage, egg, and cheese bagel and offered it to Sirius. "Anything else?"

"Could I have a blanket to?"

"Of course!" She offered him a blue blanket and smiled. "Oh and remember, subtle seduction." She winked at him before getting up and pushing a cart full of soda away.

"Subtle seduction…" Sirius wonder aloud. Now he had no time to ponder her words, instead he quickly located Lily, Lola, and Cathy. "Hi Lily!"

"Buzz of." Lily muttered.

"Nice to see you too! Do you have something I can read?" Sirius asked.

"Oh Siri! When did you learn to read!" Lola teased.

"Haha, very funny. But really, Remus said I needed to entertain myself or else."

Cathy rolled her eyes and offered him a paper back book. "Here, but only so you don't do anything stupid."

"Remus!" Sirius cried, he pranced down the isle with the offerings in hand.

"Yes…." Remus hissed.

"I brought you an offering of peace!" Sirius sat down and set the book and food down on Remus' tray table and gently set the blanket on Remus' chest. The werewolf looked from Sirius, to the offering suspiciously before grinning.

"I forgive you Paddsy," Remus sighed jokingly.

"Yay!"

However their short peace was not destined to last. Sirius decided he was going to explore the air plane and he quickly found his way to the bathroom. "Remus come on! It'll be fun!"

"Oh yes, sniffing other people feces." Remus muttered sarcastically.

"Stop using big words."

"Shit Sirus….Shit." Remus deadpanned.

Giggling, Sirius stepped into the bathroom and Remus waited outside. He sighed and looked back to see James cackling wildly with Peter. Sirius had been in the bathroom for at least ten minutes. The toilet flushed periodically every minute. "Sirius what are you doing!" Remus finally yelled.

"Remus there's something in the toilet!" Sirius cried, stumbling out gasping.

"Sirius there is nothing in the airplane toilet!" Remus sighed.

"Then why does it make a noise every time I press it!" Sirius whimpered.

"C'mon." Remus laughed. He grabbed Sirius' arm and dragged him into the bathroom. It was a very tin little bathroom and they left the door open. He pressed the flush button and cackled evilly as Sirius shrieked. "Spaz."

"Not a spaz." Sirius sniffled. "It's scary!"

"Shut the bathroom doors you weirdos!" A woman yelled.

"He's never been on a plane before!" Remus shouted back.

"Oh…Sorry then!"

"Now Sirius, do we understand there is nobody in the toilet?" Remus asked in a baby voice.

"We're experiencing turbulence!" The pilot shouted over the intercom suddenly. The plane titled violently to the left and Sirius jumped a foot in the air, fell into Remus, and pushed the small boy into the bathroom. The door closed with a loud thump. A passing flight attendant locked the doors to the bathroom, as they always did during major turbulence.

"Sirius!" Remus laughed. "Get off me you oaf!" He was pressed against the wall.

Sirius went bright red and tried to open the door, suddenly his face paled. "We're locked in!"

"No we're not!" Remus argued. He pushed Sirius to the side and slipped between Sirius and the toilet and tried to open the door. "We'll starve!" Remus cried.

"No…We can eat each other." Sirius said in a matter of fact voice.

"I knew I should have sacrificed that rabbit to the gods for good luck when I was seven." Remus sighed.

Five minutes later they were still locked in the bathroom. Remus was sitting on the sink and Sirius on the toilet cover. "This is comfy." Sirius sighed.

"At least there's no more turbulence." Remus shrugged. Suddenly the planet rattled around and Remus was pitched forward. he fell right onto Sirius' lap and instinctively wrapped his arms around Sirius' neck.

"We've ran into heavy turbulence." The pilot's vice crackled over the inter com.

"I could learn to hate this pilot." Remus growled. He looked down at their position and blushed. "This is awkward." Remus slid of Sirius' lap and sighed again. "How long have we been in here?"

"Dunno, fifteen minutes maybe?" Sirius shrugged. "Relax Remus, you sigh too much."

"Well it's not like I want to be locked in the bathroom!" Remus countered.

"I've got an idea…" Sirius said with a wicked smirk. He looked at Remus' slender hands and smirked. _A very sexy idea. _

"Damn it Remus!" Sirius moaned.

"Hah, just Sirius you're so sensitive! I hardly used any pressure!" Remus laughed.

"Well your fingers just move so fast."

"I can't help it, it's just the way I learned." The werewolf shrugged.

"Damn!" Sirius cried, throwing his hand down in defeat.

"hah, I win thumb war." Remus chuckled. "Another match?" he asked, offering his thumb.

"You're so on." Sirius growled.

And so the two Gryffindor's spent the next fifteen minute playing thumb war, while waiting to be let out of the bathroom. Finally the door opened and they saw a very dischievled flight attendant.

"I'm sooooo sorry!" He cried. "I didn't know anybody was in there!"

"S'okay." Remus shrugged.

"Please forgive me! I am not worthy!"

"Really it's fine." Remus said puzzled at the man's display. "We were only in there for, what half an hour?"

"Yeah that sounds about right." Sirius agreed.

"Please! God save me!" The flight attendant sobbed. "I should burn in hell!"

"Look, dude, relax kay?" Sirius growled.

"You won't sue?" The man sniffled.

"I will if you don't shut up." Sirius hissed. He grabbed Remus' arm and dragged the blonde back to their seats, leaving the flight attendant alone in his joy. "They do have some crazy people on these planes."

"Yeah." Remus yawned. He slipped into the seat and Sirius followed. James was reading and Peter was asleep. "Night Padfoot." The werewolf murmured before falling asleep.

Sirius shrugged and looked around for something to do. The only thing he saw was Remus' book. So he picked it up and started reading. He sat there in peace, listening to Remus' breathing pattern and taking comfort in it. Suddenly something warm and soft fell down onto his shoulder. He looked over and saw a wave of blonde hair on his shoulder.

The dark haired boy's eyes widened and he sat there for a moment, looking at his best friend, sleeping on his shoulder. James was grinning mischievously and shot Sirius a wink before slipping back into his book. Sirius smiled at the sleeping form of Remus and gently covered the werewolf with a blanket.

Sirius set the book down and gently placed his head on top of Remus' and fell asleep on the mat of soft wavy hair.

"Padfoot, oh Paddy." James called.

"Muahhhh…." Sirius groaned. "Nuh?" He opened his eyes and blinked for a moment. "Ix naben both shizzel?"

"Lemmie check." James said, glancing down at his watch. "Eh….S' a few minutes before one."

"Il much na cibel?" The Gryffindor mumbled.

"We can get something to eat when we land, I'm hungry to." James yawned.

"Wah?" Remus murmured. He opened one eye as he always did and then shut it. He blinked a few times before sitting up properly. "Morning Padfoot."

"Wazz ick naben Paris nuk." Sirius grumbled.

"Oh yeah, we'll be in Paris in a few minutes." Remus agreed.

"Il habel et na slope et?" Sirius yanwed.

"Erm…What hotel are was staying at? Hm….think it's called Plaza de something French." Remus shrugged. "Siri just stare at the shiny." He held up a sheet of stickers and chuckled at Sirius' loud exclamation of fascination.

An hour later the Sixth years were gathered in the lobby of the hotel, all looking around at the lobby in fascination. The floor was marble, laced with gold, chandeliers hung from the ceiling. The walls were paneled with wood, which was outlined in gold. The lobby practically glowed, and it screamed expensive.

"Wow." Sirius gasped.

"I've never seen so much gold!" James said breathlessly.

"Close your mouths." McGonagall snapped. She started to hand out room keys. "You'll all have one room with two queen beds. Along with the room keys she handed out cell phones. "Now, I am the only teacher supervising you, and I won't be supervising you. Each travel group will be on their own, with the cell phone. You will go out into the city and explore. Now all of you must complete the assignment, which I told you earlier. If you forgot it's programmed into the cell phone. If you run into any trouble call me on speed dial, number one. If you don't meet the requirements you won't pass this year."

There were gasps of horror, but the assignment was easy, so nobody really minded. "Now, the most responsible member of your group will carry the cell phone and the room keys."

Sirius grinned evilly and took the phone from McGonagall. The professor snatched it back and handed it to Remus. "That means Sirius is not allowed to even touch the phone! Unless it's an emergency. If you don't meet the requirements you won't pass this year."

There were gasps of horror, but the assignment was easy, so nobody really minded. "Now, the most responsible member of your group will carry the cell phone and the room keys."

Sirius grinned evilly and took the phone from McGonagall. The professor snatched it back and handed it to Remus. "That means Sirius is not allowed to even touch the phone! Unless it's an emergency. You room numbers are on the slip of paper attached to the key. Now go enjoy yourselves." McGonagall said, waving them away.

The entire year dropped their bags at the valet and dashed out the doors and into the city.

"So….Why don't we go to the room and drop out bags off? That way we won't have to wait in line at the valet later." Sirius suggested. The rest of the marauders starred at him, completely dumbfounded. "What?"

"Sirius….That was actually a good idea!" James cried. "O praise Jesus he has got a brain!"

"Shaddup." Sirius deadpanned.

"So where's the room Moony?" Peter asked.

"Erm….North tower? 604?" Remus cocked his head to the side. "I'm confused."

"He looks important, let's ask him!" Peter said, nodding to the man standing behind the gold plaited check in desk.

"Nice!" James grinned, giving Peter a high five.

"Alright, you and Siri go, me'n Peter will stay and watch the bags." James yawned to Remus. He plopped down in the overstuffed velvet couch.

"Lazy arse." Sirius muttered darkly. He dropped his carry on right on James' lap. "C'mon Remy." He half dragged Remus away, very pleased that he could have even a little time with Remus.

"Excuse me," Remus ventured carefully to the man. The man behind the desk turned and looked at Remus. A sly smile played across this mans lips. "Could you help us find our room?"

The man's dark blue eyes were sly, half lidded, and constantly mocking. The man had fire red hair that should have looked ridiculous, but on this man…it fit. "Of course….May I see your room key?"

Something about this man gave Sirius the creeps, he wanted to snatched Remus' hand and take the blonde far, far away. But he didn't. Remus reached across the desk and handed the man their key. Sirius noticed the red heads hands brushed across Remus' for….longer then necessary. Sirius glared at the man.

"Remus…." He said quietly.

"Hm?" Remus asked dreamily.

Sirius glared at the red head. "Are you gonna help us or not?"

"Sirius, be nice, he's helping us!" Remus admonished the grim. Sirius fell silent, but he still glared at the man. "Forgive Sirius, he's a little wild."

"No problem at all, Mr…."

"Lupin, Remus Lupin." Remus stammered.

"Mr. Lupin, I'm sure he's just watching out for his friends well being." The man fixed Sirius' blue eyes with his own. Sirius couldn't bring himself to look away, the other man did. "My name is Dorian Gray." He flashed Remus a smile. "This way please."

Remus gestured to James and Peter who followed them to the elevators.

"So, Mr. Lupin, how long will you be in Paris?" Dorian asked.

"Call me Remus, we'll be here for nine days." Remus said kindly. He liked Dorian.

"Ah, you must go see the museums, but of course, there are other things you should….see." the elevator doors opened on the sixth floor and Sirius got out of the elevator was fast of possible. "I know a wonderful night club."

"I'm not sure if we're allowed to go to a night club." Sirius growled at Dorian.

"Well we do have to expierence the culture," Remus laughed. "What's this club called?"

Sirius exchanged a glanced with James, neither of them liked this Dorian. Peter shook his head at the two of them. The dark haired Gryffindor's shifted uncomfortably, but they trusted Peters judgement not to attack Dorian.

"It's called the Moulin Rouge." Dorian chuckled. "You should go."

"We really don't have much money, plus we're underage." James said warningly.

Dorian laughed coldly. "I'm very influential there, if you'd like I could sneak you in."

"I don't know…." Remus shrugged. "We'll think on it. But thank you for the offer."

Dorian smiled. "Of course," He stopped in front of room 604. "Here is your, room," He locked eyes with Remus and handed the werewolf the room key. "If you need anything, don't hesitate to call." With another smile he walked back down the hall.

James and Sirius ushered Remus into the room, closed the door, and locked it. "I don't like him." James growled.

"What's wrong with you two! He was perfectly nice." Remus argued.

"He was hitting on you." Sirius snarled.

"Oh relax Sirius, I know your jealous." Remus teased.

Sirius shut his eyes and counted to ten. He opened his eyes and offered Remus a cheesy smile. "'Course Remy."

James was shocked Sirius let anything drop that quickly, but he shrugged. "Whose sleeping where?"

"I'd rather be away from the window." Remus said, placing his bags on the bed near the wall."

The marauders understood Remus' aversion to the moon. "Okay, Sirius you sleep with Peter."

"NO! James don't make me sleep next to Peter, he snores!" Sirius complained loudly. "And last time I slept in the same bed as him he kicked me! ….all night!"

"And do you sleep with peter often?" James sniggered.

"Are you implying you are jealous?"

"Touche." James said, raising an eyebrow. "Fine."

Sirius grinned in triumph and jumped on the bed. "Alrighty Moony, make yourself comfortable on the floor."

"Move over you oaf." Remus laughed, pushing Sirius, who fell off the bed and between the wall and the bed.

"I'm stuck!" Sirius cried. "Moony!"

Remus fell onto the bed, cackling helplessly.

"Dun laugh!"

The blonde only laughed harder.

"My leg!"

Laughing, Remus reached down and grabbed Sirius arm, the taller boy was half on the bed when Remus was hit by another peel of laughter. Sirius hit the ground again with a thump.

"My arm!"

Remus tried again and again Sirius fell between the bed and wall. "Sorry Padfoot!"

"God will smite you, Remus!"

"And some priest'll shoot you for being blasphemous!" Remus fired back. Finally Sirius was on the bed panting and Remus was sitting next to him laughing. "What should we do today?"

"Let's sit in the room and watch a movie." Sirius yawned.

"No, Sirius let's go out!" Peter argued. "We can go to the louver!"

"Well we do have to go to a museum." James pointed out.

"Oh come on Sirius please?" Remus asked, he threw on a pouty face.

"Oh fine." Sirius sighed. Remus let out a yelp of joy. "But only after we get something to eat!"

"Food later, you mutt!" Remus laughed he dragged Sirius out of the hotel room. Remus turned to go back to the front desk when Sirius, James, and Peter forcefully pushed him the other way. "Where are we going?"

"Out." James growled.

"But….Out's that way."

"No," Sirius hissed. "Dorian is."

"Jez, what is up with you guys!" Remus sighed. But he wasn't arguing to them pushing him away, they couldn't be reasoned with at this point.

"He's one of those perverts who rapes little kids." Sirius said bluntly.

"Where did you learn your tact, Sirius?" The werewolf said, rolling his eyes.

"Captain Obvious."

Half an hour later they were inside the louver, admiring painting.

"Remus, I'm hungry!" Sirius wined.

"Look at the use of color, the texture!" Remus gasped.

"Eh, I like the use of highlighting." James shrugged.

"Remus!" Sirius moaned.

"Do you hear something?" Peter asked.

"Not a word." Remus grinned, he winked at Sirius.

"Fine, now you've done it. I can go talk and feed myself!" Sirius cried, storming off.

"Maybe he'll find a nice girl who wants food as well." James shrugged.

Remus laughed.

Ten minutes later James and Peter were in the Da Vinci section and Remus was alone, looking at some modern art.

"Run Remus!"

Remus had been carefully admiring a painting when he saw Sirius running toward him. "What did you do now, Paddy." He sighed.

"I was sooooo hungry!" Sirius said sheepishly.

"THAT KID LICKED THE PAINTING!" Someone shouted.

"Sirius you painting rapist!" Remus gasped.

"I couldn't help it! She was hot, the fruit draped over her naked body was soooo tempting!"

"PAINTING RAPIST!" People shouted and began to chase after Sirius. The dark haired Gryffindor shrieked and dashed away, he grabbed Remus' arm and hauled the werewolf away.

"Sirius!" Remus shouted as he was dragged away from the mob.

"Run, Moony, run!" Sirius cried. He dashed around the corner, and in a brilliant display of cognitive ability, spotted a broom closet, opened the door to the broom closet and slid into it in less then a second. Remus was still moving forward because the floor was slippery. Sirius, in another flash of brilliance, tugged the werewolf in and shut the door.

Remus slammed into Sirius' chest and felt the wooden door press him closer to Sirius' body. Sirius' arms slid around Remus. They stood in silence for a moment. Finally Remus let out a sigh of relief. "You idiot."

"So nice." Sirius grinned.

"…Why Sirius? Why."

"That painting was a slut. She would have gone with any guy! She led me on." Sirius argued.

"Did you take your medication this morning?"

"She has a wondering eye I tell ya!"

Remus suddenly seemed to notice how close he was to Sirius. "Siri?"

"Hm."

"How long will we be standing like this?"

Sirius wanted to kiss Remus and say 'I love you'. But the moment wasn't perfect, they weren't on a balcony, it wasn't remotely romantic. "Sorry." Sirius' heat fell.

"No…" Remus said quickly. "Don't be…"

Sirius almost smiled. So Remus kind of liked him? "I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

"No…It's cool." Remus shrugged. He was glad the closet was dark because he face was burning up. He didn't like Sirius did he? And then his mind flashed back to the plane, to how protective Sirius was of Remus. _No, Sirius is protective of all of us…_Remus thought harshly. _He looked like he was kill Dorian for touching you…_The evil corner of his mind whispered.

Remus relaxed against Sirius and gently wrapped his arms around Sirius' neck. "Easier to stand." Remus murmured in explanation.

Sirius would have danced in a circle. Remus liked him! Or was at least open to his advances. _Well it's a start. _

A/N: Awwwww, so cute!


	5. an idiot starring in a spoof!

A/N: I know, I know. I'm supposed to be writing the chapter….but I was reading JOHNNY THE HOMOCIDLE MANIAC! So now I can't concentrate. So I am starting a new hobby, I call them spoofs. Right now I cannot focus on what this story is actually supposed to be, so here is a SPOOF!

Disclaimed: Don't own Harry Potter or JOHNNY THE HOMOCIDAL MANIAC, if I did, would be making money selling comics and Remus and Sirius would be screwing like rabbits…muahahah…

SIRIUS THE HOMOCIDAL MANIAC!

In France…..

Starring the extremely sexy, REMUS LUPIN!

And the also very sexy, JAMES POTTER!

And also starring the not so sexy Peter Pettigrew….

Remus yawned. "James I'm bored." The three teens were sitting in their hotel room en la gay Paris. It was a school field trip.

"Let's go hunting!" Peter suggested.

"Nahhhh." James and Remus shrugged.

"Let's go walk around like aimless teenagers!" Remus exclaimed.

"YAY!"

Five minutes later, walking around like animless teenagers. Remus sighed. "This is no fun!"

"Jez Remus you're so hard to please." James rolled his eyes.

"We're in France! Imagine what we could do! What mischief we could cause! We could act like Americans and drive the French people out of their minds with our offensive political ideas and we could quote their president!" Peter cried.

Remus and James starred at Peter like he had antlers growing out of his head. "Didn't we do that yesterday?" Remus asked suddenly.

"No yesterday we spent the day at the coffee place ordering Mocha lattes and yelling that they gave us chocolate instead." James said matter of factly.

"Hm….But they didn't even serve chocolate lattes…." Remus pondered.

"Ponder, Ponder, ponder, ponder!" Peter giggled, skipping around his two taller, sexier friends.

"Oh!" Remus yelled. He pointed to a man crossing the street. The man had longish spiky black hair and big, wild blue eyes. He was wearing tall buckled up boots, bondage pants, and a trench coat. The man was also extrememly pale"….Is that a penguin?"

"….Are you insane?" James deadpanned.

"No….See….the black…and the white?" Remus tried to explain. "Hah….er….guess it's a person?"

"…two days ago a penguin started to follow me."

All three boys looked up and shrieked. The pale gothic man was standing right in front of them.

"It wouldn't leave me alone! I knew! I knew it was following me! I yelled at it, but it still followed me! It kept taunting me! But I knew it was following me! It's here! Now! I know! The stupid bloody penguin!" The man screamed.

Peter fainted, James was speechless, and Remus meeped.

"Did the penguin send you!" The man screamed.

"….mew…" Was all James could mutter.

"Ah….The cat sent you!"

"We're just walking Mr.!" Remus yelled. "Give us a break!"

"….I see." The man said, he glanced around. "My name is Sirius…but you can call me Siri, and you are?"

"Mew?" James winced.

"No, I know that." Sirius said, waving a hand dismissively.

"Er….Remus?" Remus stammered, a faint blush rising on his cheeks.

"Indeed….pretty name." Sirius said softly. "I will see you again Remus."

"Dude." James finally gasped. "What a weirdo!"

"…James I wouldn't insult him." Remus twitched. "I swear I saw a blood stain on his coat."

James handled the situation remarkably well. He fainted.

The next day James had decided to sneak into a concert and he brought Remus with him. It was some German rock band who was touring Europe.

"This sucks." James sighed. The two were amid a mob of screaming fans. The fans were jumping and screaming, and trying to dance.

"Cha…." Remus agreed.

"Let's pretend it's English!" James yelled.

"WOOHOOO!" Remus screamed. In moments they were up and jumping and dancing with the other fans. He tossed off is sweater and grooved. Suddenly a pair of strong arms wrapped around his shoulders. Remus looked back and saw Sirius. "WOAH!" Remus yelled.

"Hello Reeeeeemus." Sirius smiled.

"That's not how you fucking say hello!" Remus yelled.

"That's a good way to say fucking hello?" Sirius screamed back, still laughing.

"Stop misunderstanding me!" Remus bellowed.

"….No."

Remus glared at Sirius and dashed into the mash pit. He was standing there nervously before a really freakishly fat guy banged into him. Remus yelled in outrage and then banged back into the freakishly fat guy. Suddenly another guy bumped into the small blonde and Remus was all over the place, bumping into other guys.

Suddenly he bumped into something very, very hard. He looked up and saw a very tall, heavily muscled man glaring down at him. "Are you trying to insinuate that I'm a homosexual!" The man screamed.

"meep."

The man was about to hit Remus with one of his massive fists when suddenly something big and leathery knocked him out of the way. In seconds Remus was lying at the edge of the mash pit with Sirius on top of him, smiling contentedly. "Stalker!" Remus yelled.

"But you're so fun to follow!" Sirius giggled.

"Psycho." Remus muttered.

"Why yes I am!" Sirius laughed. He bent over and kissed Remus suddenly. Remus gasped and his eyes flew open. But he had to admit…it wasn't a bad kiss. No not bad at all. He found himself sinking into the kiss when suddenly Sirius pulled away. "I'll see you again, Remus." Sirius promised before disappearing.

Remus sat up, touching his lips lightly. _I've shared my fist homosexual kiss with a complete psycho stalker…Hm…a sexy psycho stalker. _

"There is a mass murderer in Paris! I repeat if you are in Paris, don't go anywhere alone, don't kick the seat in front of you at the movie theaters, or insult any Goths! The mass murderer dresses in black and looks like this!" The reporter said.

An image of a badly sketched penguin flashed on screen.

"Beware anyone who speaks of penguins!" The reporter said with a smile. "In other news, in a recent study woolen gloves are better for anorexics!"

James flipped of the tv. "What a load of crap! I was anorexic once, woolen gloves only made me feel fatter!"

"James you've never been aneroxic…in fact you've never even owned a pair of woolen gloves." Remus said pointedly. He got of the bed suddenly. "I'm going out!"

"Where?" Peter yawned.

"Looking for a psychotic stalker with a penguin following him." Remus said quickly.

"Wha?" James asked.

"…A hooker." Remus growled before slipping out the door. He wondered the streets and into a small dark alley, looking for Sirius. Remus sighed and stuffed his hands in his jacket pockets, he looked behind him nervously. There was a man in…pink standing there.

Remus shuddered and started to walk away very quickly. He saw the man in pink was starting to walk faster. The small blonde started to run. The man in pink also ran. Remus broke into a sprint, frantically trying to escape the pink man. He turned a sharp corner and suddenly ran face first into a brick wall.

A hand slammed into the wall next to his head. Remus' eyes flew open. He looked behind himself and saw the man in pink with a strange sadistic smile on his lips. "Uh….No…I'm not interesting in buying anything, but thanks anyway! Ahahahah" Remus laughed nervously.

"Hello…..Anne."

"Er…My names Remus."

"Don't lie Annie…I know you want me."

"What you just said was politically incorrect on so many levels…" Remus rolled his eyes.

"Oh I love you boobs."

"I don't have boobs! I'm a guy!"

"oh."

"yah." Remus growled. "Can I go?"

"Nah, I do guys too, cutie pie."

"I'm not gay!" Remus cried indignantly.

"Eh, your to pretty to be straight." The pink man shrugged.

"Not gay!" Remus yelled.

Suddenly someone punched the man in pink who fell unconscious to the alley floor. Then the new man, dressed all in black tied the man in pink up in dental floss. The man in black stood up and Remus found himself face to face with Sirius. "You okay?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah….I um…I came out looking for you." Remus said, blushing.

"Didn't you just loudly exclaim you weren't gay?" Sirius smirked.

"Well…..Maybe not gay." Remus smirked. "but perhaps Bi?"

"I love you!" Sirius yelled.

"I love you too!" Remus laughed.

They exchanged a passionate kiss. Sirius smiled and took Remus hand. The dark haired man moved his fingers so they were interlaced with Remus'. In his other hand Sirius was dragging the man in pink along. Remus looked back and gasped. Waddling behind them was a penguin…Sirius was right…there was actually a penguin following him.

Sirius glared at the penguin. "Bloody bugger won't leave me alone. What? You didn't believe me?"

"No." Remus gasped.

"I'll name him Squee. He can be your new personal slave." Sirius shrugged.

Remus couldn't argue with having his own penguin slave. Who could?

The End

Or at least the closest to the end we'll get in this small installment of

SIRIUS THE HOMOCIDICAL MANIAC!

A/N: I know, I know I'm on crack, next chapter'll be up soon thought, I already started writing it. So reviews? What'd ya think of my spoof?


	6. an idiot with Harpies

A/N: boo! Hahah scared you…not really. Anyways, dragonlady 44 and elvenwolf123321 are the winners! Both of them guessed that the book Sirius was reading from was Blackwood Farm! (Quinn is dead sexy, Quinn is dead sexy, Quinn is dead sexy, Quinn is dead sexy!) So they will both get a special scene which I will add in as soon as it works with the plot.

The Marauders were back in the hotel room, full of teenage energy. They'd spent the day in the Louvre, molesting paintings, being chased by French art connoisseurs, and dashing around various French cafes and eating till they wanted to barf.

"Remus, let's go to a club!" Sirius wined.

"No!" Remus growled. "For the last time, Sirius!"

"Please?"

"No!"

Sirius retreated onto James and Peter's bed, shooting the werewolf dirty looks. "James, let's go to a club!"

"…Remus doesn't have anything to wear." James sighed, his eyes flickered from his book to Sirius for a moment.

"He can borrow my clothes!" Sirius moaned.

"He's a lot shorter then you are." James said, without even looking up from his book.

"Am not!" Remus cut in angrily. "I'm only….two inches shorter!...Maybe three…."

"No…." Sirius said with a huge grin. "Nah, James' right, you don't have any club wear." _Thank sex for Reverse Psychology! _The dark haired boy thought.

"Damn you." Remus hissed. "We're going to a club, now." He grabbed Sirius's suitcase and vanished into the bathroom.

James offered Sirius and hand and Sirius have him a high five. "Hey Peter what're you gonna wear?" James asked suddenly, he put his book on the table and stretched.

"Oh don't think I don't have my own leather pants!" Peter chortled, he stepped out of the closet wearing super tight leather pants. James' eyes widened violently and he fell back on the bed, clutching his chest. Sirius just fell of the bed, covering his mouth with one hand. "What?"

"Off now!" James and Sirius yelled.

"Damn it….I'm taking anorexic lessons." Peter grumbled, disappearing back into the closet.

James searched through his suitcase and produced several pairs of pants and shirts. "Alright, Padfoot, help."

"Jez, what do I look like? Your queer fashion consultant?" Sirius said. He sat back down on the bed and stretched out. "Alright fine, let me see."

James held the clothes up.

"...Hm…..Light blue jeans, and brown sweater." Sirius yawned.

"Sure I won't look gay?" James asked suspiciously.

"Not unless you want to." The other Gryffindor shrugged. They both looked over to see a blonde head peek out of the bathroom. "Hey Remus." Sirius smiled.

"Erm….How does this look?" Remus asked, he stepped out of the bathroom in extremely low black pants and a white button shirt. Sirius sighed and walked over to Remus.

"Really Remus the pants are fine, but the shirt looks like a night gown! You know how short you are!" Sirius admonished teasingly while ripping the hem of Remus' shirt, ignoring the werewolf's cries of outrage. "There!"

"Sirius you killed it!" Remus cried. The shirt now hung to just above his belly button in tattered rips.

"Nah, it's fine." Sirius shrugged. He went into the bathroom and was out again in ten seconds, changed into black bondage pants with a cropped skintight black turtle neck over red mesh.

"Siri how'd you do that?" Remus asked in shock.

"He does it all the time." James yawned. "Dumb ass practices too."

"Only about an hour a day…." Sirius laughed nervously. "Here." He tossed a thick studded belt at Remus. "Wear, enjoy." Remus fumbled with the belt before buckling it low around his hips.

"Peter what are you wearing?" Sirius asked annoyed.

"….jeans." Peter growled. He stepped out of the closet in baggy jeans and a black t-shirt with a bar code on it. "Happy?"

"Yes!" James and Sirius yelled.

"James this was a bad idea!" Sirius squeaked. Currently his arms were wrapped around James' shoulders and he was clutching the said friend for dear life.

"It was your idea." James growled.

"We'll be rapped by some old French pervert!"

"Sirius stop being an idiot!" Remus growled. "Look let's just ask this nice man for directions!" Remus gestured to a ratty homeless guy sitting on a pile of cardboard.

"Uh…Remus? He doesn't look soo nice." James said awkwardly.

"Eh, I'm sure he's a genius homeless guy who ran away from home because of his abusive father!" Remus' eyes took on a starry cast. "Poor Bob! He ran away from his abusive parents and his only option was to live on the streets! Nobody would believe he was really smart! And his girlfriend left him, and his only friend is a black cat! Named lucky! And-"

"Remus you're rambling again." Peter said shortly.

"Ops." Remus laughed and walked over to the man and said kindly, "Excuse me sir, but my friends and I are looking for a club, could you direct us to one?"

The homeless man blinked and grumbled he looked up at Remus. "Heeeeey sexy."

"Pardon?" Remus stammered.

The homeless man's hand settled on Remus' hip. "Wanna come down here for sum French lovin' Brit?"

Remus' eyes widened and a scarlet blush formed on his cheeks. "Well I-uh-er…" The man's hand dipped a little lower. "SQUEEEE!"

Sirius jumped on the homeless guy and punched him violently. "Mess with my boy will you!"

"Siri…" Remus sighed. "Well obviously I was wrong about you, Bob. Goodbye." Remus turned on his heal and walked away, followed by the rest of the marauders and the moaning of the injured Homeless guy.

"Hey look!" Peter exclaimed. He pointed to a huge area of bright lights and a windmill near them. "I think it's a club!"

The marauders walked cautiously closer to the place and Remus grinned. "It's the Moulin Rouge!"

"Dorian's pervy sex world?" Sirius grumbled. "C'mon we can find a better club."

"No way! This one is great! Please can we go in?" Remus begged. "Please?"

Sirius sighed. "Fine."

The Gryffindors walked through a gate and through a courtyard full of tables and women and man flirting. There was a gigantic elephant and Remus looked up at it with starry eyes. They were suddenly swept up in a crowd of men and were pushing inside the club.

The boys marveled. Men and woman danced everywhere, hanging from the ceiling were cages with dancing strippers. Lights were everywhere and flashing almost violently. The dance floor was a huge circle with stacked floors of tables and even more dancing that looked down on the floor.

"Hey sexy." A woman purred. She grinned at Sirius and wrapped herself around him. "Wanna dance?"

"I'm in heaven!" Sirius gasped, letting himself be led away. _Remus! Remus you idiot! _He thought, but his horny teenage mind was over ridden by his desire to…do naughty things.

"Hey cuttie." Another woman giggled, two wrapped around Remus smiling like harpies. Remus hardly noticed James and Peter be led off by other harpies.

"Er…Hi?" Remus stammered.

"Come dance with us." The blonde giggled.

"No…..really I'm fine." Remus laughed.

"Please?" The brunette begged.

"I really need at least a bottle of vodka first." Remus said nervously. "Hahah…." He dashed away from the women and into the dance floor. He saw Peter grinning like a maniac with the women writhing against him. James was twirling his girl around and flirting insanely. Remus looked up and saw Sirius in one of the cages with two naked woman.

"I love France!" Sirius screamed.

Remus sighed, he tried to get into the dancing. His plan failed miserably. Remus risgned to the bar and folded his head in his arms. _What's wrong with me! Why can't I have any fun…_An image of Sirius and the two dancers flashed into his mind. For a moment he felt jealously lash out like a whip. _I don't like Sirius! _Up, there was the jealously again. _Okay, maybe a little, but Siri's the straightest guy I know! _

"Having a bad night?" The bartender asked with a kid smile.

"You could say that." Remus muttered.

"Yah, you look pretty worse for wear. Friends ditch you?"

Remus looked up at the bartender. The bartender was a young guy, maybe twenty, with wild brown curly hair and dark green eyes. "Well….kind off…."

"Ah, harpies drag them off?"

"Harpies?" The blonde asked.

"The girls."

"Ah…." Remus shrugged. "No, sort of…maybe…Yeah."

"Well good for you for resisting them, bunch of no good whores." The bartender sneered.

"Aren't they just poor souls looking for money cause they got kicked out of their house?" Remus asked puzzled.

"Nah. Dumb bitches like what they do. They like playing with guys hearts. Don't fall for one, they snatch up your heart and break it like ice."

"You sound like you know for a fact." The blonde said.

"I do, I feel head over heels for one and she screwed me over. Names Johnny." The bartender held out a hand.

"Remus."

"So, want something to drink?" Johnny asked.

"Uh…sure."

"Here, first night?" Johnny grinned, rummaging through some glass bottles. Remus nodded. Johnny slammed a glowing green bottle down on the table. "Absinth. It's illegal in England, it'll loosen you right up."

Remus grabbed the bottle and took a swig. He sputtered and slammed it down. Remus wiped his mouth and grinned. "It's good!" Remus chugged down a few more sips before jumping up on the bar stool laughing. "I feel great!" Remus sat on the bar and gave Johnny a kiss. "I love you man!"

The Gryffindor got up on the bar and started to dance around like crazy and he attracted quite a crowd.

Johnny smiled and shook his head. "I never thought I'd see a male with a harpy inside….jez…I hate harpies…." He looked back at the drinks and suddenly found himself looking back at Remus. "Well…maybe guy harpies are different."

A/N: I know, short chapter. Just wanted to saaay, 1. Don't think absinth is illegal in England, pretend it is. 2. Harpie (I made this up): A girl (sometimes guy) who captures guys (or girls) hearts and usually toys with them before breaking their poor lover's heart. Some Harpies only capture peoples hearts, but are nice and don't break them. Note: this definition works for Harpies who work in the Moulin Rouge. Not a real definition. So, who wants to review and say how much they love seeing Remy sexually abused!


	7. an idiot with a dead dream

Sirius stumbled out from one of the back rooms, grinning manically. "Hey James…."

"Siri!" James laughed, giving his friend a shoulder hug. "Get some lovin'?"

"Oooooh yeah."

The two dissolved into fits of giggles. "What color was your condom?" James snickered.

"Hot pink!" Sirius cackled.

"Mine was orange!" James howled. They walked arm in arm back into the dance floor and plopped down at the bar. "Let's get drunk!"

"Then we can kill a hobo and make it seem like a terrible car crash!" Sirius giggled. James shot Sirius a worried look. Sirius stopped laughing. "Hah…did I say that outloud? Hahah….hah….ha…"

"Right, barkeep! Whatever'll get us really drunk really fast!" James shouted.

"Sure thing boss." The bartender smiled.

Sirius yawned and slumped into the bar contentedly. Suddenly he noticed a large crowd of people, cheering and hooting next to him. The dark haired boy looked to where they were cheering and saw a boy dancing on the bar. The boy had bright golden wavey hair that tumbled into his eyes. The boy was small….and slim. The boy also had bright clouded amber eyes. A soft pink blush of a drunk man colored his cheeks. "Remus!" Sirius gasped.

"Hey Sirius!" Remus giggled. "Where have you been?"

"Uh…..in the back?" Sirius asked nervously. He could see Remus' smile fade. _Damn you! You Bloody man whore! _Sirius thought, cursing himself.

"Oh." Was all Remus said. "Johnny can I have more absinth!" Remus yelled. The bartender handed Remus a bottle of bright green liquid and Remus gulped a few sips down before dipping down to slam it on the bar. A new song came on a Remus laughed. "I love this song!"

Sirius watched with wide eyes as Remus danced wildly on the bar, shaking his hips rhythmically. "Wow."

"Friend of his?" Johnny asked.

"Yeah." Sirius nodded, eyes never leaving Remus.

"He's cute." Johnny remarked.

"Hey!" Sirius growled. "Stay the hell away from him!"

Johnny laughed and held his hands up. "Hey, relax. I'm not coming onto him or anything, I just wanna warn you, do you know Dorian Gray?"

"You mean the perverted pedophile who stalks sexy little children, then yes." Sirius huffed.

"Ah. I'd assume he's interested in Remus?" Johnny asked. Sirius nodded. "Then I suggest you take very good care of Remus. Dorian's very, very seductive. I'd hate to see you two screwed over by him." The brunette scowled.

"You sound like you know from personal expierence." Sirius remarked dryly.

"I fell for someone…..like him once. I can tell you it wasn't a pleasant experience."

"Well if your don't like Dorian I like you!" Sirius grinned, holding out a hand. "Sirius Black, your Johnny?"

"Yup." Johnny grinned, shaking the Gryffindor's hand.

"Siri come dance with me!" Remus giggled, grabbing Sirius' hand. "We can go in a cage!"

"Remus ya sure? I mean your kind of drunk…." Sirius tried to escape, but he couldn't resist Remus. In minutes he was in a cage with a very randy werewolf. It took only a few seconds for the logical side of Sirius' mind to shiver and die before he began to dance wildly as well.

Below them the crowd hooted wildly. Glitter and sparkles rained down from the ceiling, Remus laughed and twirled around. He looked marvelous, his shirt all ripped and torn….Sirius couldn't look away from the sparkling diamond in front of him.

"Whatcha starrin' at?" Remus laughed.

"You." Sirius teased.

"Aw, Siri!" The werewolf chuckled. They resumed their mad dance before Sirius finally fell against the wall of the cage panting.

"Moony can we go down now?" Sirius gasped.

"You okay?" Remus giggled, still completely wasted. "C'mon, let's go stare at the stars!"

Soon they were standing outside, leaning on the brick wall of the Moulin Rouge. The courtyard was full of tables and couples, kissing and cuddling. Harpies strutted about. There was no moon that night, but the stars were brilliant.

Sirius looked over at Remus. The werewolf sparkled in the star light, he was standing there, looking good enough to eat, hair blowing softly in the wind, hand in hand with Sirius. Suddenly the taller boy realized something. This was his fantasy! This was the perfect time to confess his undying love! "Remus…"

Around them was a city of lights, Remus stood there smiling at him, not protesting when he was drawn closer to Sirius. "Yeah?" Remus snickered.

Sirius was suddenly hit with a tidal wave of emotions. hate, fear, anger, betrayal, and hurt. He resisted the urge to back away from Remus and run. Remus was grinning like an idiot, his face was flushed from dancing and drinking. The werewolf was swaying in the wind like a twig, he could hardly keep his balance separated from the wall. But what hurt most of all was that Remus' pretty amber eyes were so clouded and misty, that the separate colors of amber and gold there were all smashed together, they ran together like a woman's mascara after she'd been crying.

Those eyes wouldn't remember any of this come morning. "Siri?" Remus giggled again.

Sirius shut his eyes tightly and tried to keep from crying. "S'nothing…"

Remus suddenly fell against Sirius, giggling. The werewolf was standing on his tip toes and only Sirius' steady hands on his elbows kept him from falling. "I want you padfoot." Remus whispered.

"Remus?" Sirius murmured. His stomach was reeling, _No! This wasn't how it was supposed to happen! _He wanted to push the werewolf away. This hurt him so deeply. Remus was to drunk to even be sure the man holding him was Sirius!

"I want you Sirius…C'mon, let's go get a room, in the back." Remus said huskily. He swayed perilously, giggling.

"Remus stop it!" Sirius hissed softly. His head was suddenly pounding. This was everything he had wanted, his sparkling diamond standing in front of him, ready and willing. It was so hard to say no.

"No, Padfoot. Know you want me….Know you don't want me to stop. Do whatever you want to me…I'm all yours…You could do it to me now, you know…I wouldn't care."

_I wouldn't care_, echoed over and over again in Sirius' mind. The dark haired boy back away suddenly and slapped Remus hard. "SHUT UP!" Sirius screamed. "Just shut the fuck up!"

Remus' entire body jerked back at the blow. He touched a hand to his cheek gingerly and looked back up at Sirius with wide, wounded eyes.

"You slimy tease! You stupid drunk tease!" Sirius hissed again. "Why don't you go ask Dorian for a fuck! I'm sure he'll willingly oblige!" Sirius stormed out the gate, mind reeling. _Oh god I slapped him! _

Remus watched Sirius go. He saw the hurt in Sirius' eyes, the betrayal. For a second Remus was angry. And then, there werewolf crumpled to the ground, crying softly. He curled his legs his chest loosely and rested his hand on the knee. The heel of his pal roughly wiped his tears away. "I'm such an idiot." Remus sniffled. _I messed that up so badly…I hardly even knew that was Sirius! God I could have gotten myself so badly screwed. _

His mind cleared suddenly. The slap had sobered him up. Remus shook his head and got to his feet. He walked quickly out of the Moulin Rouge, ideas of what to say to Sirius flying through his head.

"Sirius?" Remus asked softly. He knocked on the door again. A man walked past Remus glanced at Remus' body and made a loud licking sound. Remus knew his shirt was ripped and his pants were extremely low. He also knew he was sparkling, but he sniffed hot tears form his eyes and knocked again. "Screw it." Remus muttered hotly. "Screw his privacy."

Remus slipped the room key into the slot and waited for the beep before opening the door. The sounds of the television playing softly swirled around him, Remus took a deep breath and walked in, letting the door close behind him. "Sirius?"

Remus stopped just next to his and Sirius' bed and saw Sirius, stretched out on James' bed, wearing naught but a towel around his slender hips. His wet, shiny black hair looked ever blacker, making his brilliant sapphire eyes stand out even more. "You're back early. I thought you'd be out fucking some hobo."

Remus wanted to snap back at Sirius angrily and defend himself. But he bit his tongue and stood there, ready for any abuse Sirius might hurl on him. He did deserve at after all. "I'm sorry."

"And I care because?" Sirius snarled. He grabbed the remote and changed the channel angrily.

"Sirius, please I'm sorry."

"And I don't care. Saying fucking sorry doesn't take anything you did back." Sirius retorted angrily.

"Sirius! I know I was wrong." Remus sighed exasperatedly. He plopped dow on their bed. Sirius sat there, saying nothing, just sulking. "Damn it Sirius! I'm going to go take a shower! Maybe when I come out you'll be mature enough to talk like a normal person!" Remus yelled. He slammed the door to the bathroom.

Sirius lay there on the bed glaring. He flung himself of the bed and violently ripped the window open. He was fuming. He changed quickly into a pair of pajama pants and slipped into James' bed. Screw him and Peter, he was sleeping there tonight. Sirius curled over and let the cool air wash over him.

The Gryffindor sighed and let himself relax. He shut his eyes in deep thought. The sapphire orbs opened again when he heard Remus pad softly onto the carpet. "Uh….Sirius?" Remus asked tenitavly. Sirius could hear the werewolf shiver.

"Get in." Sirius said roughly. "You'll get a cold if you just stand there."

Remus nervously slipped into bed beside Sirius, making sure to keep his distance. "Siri…I….Are you still mad at me?"

Sirius turned his head and shot Remus a death glare.

"I'll take that as a yes." Remus sighed.

Sirius shut his eyes tightly, trying to control his temper. "DAMN YOU REMUS!" Sirius bellowed, rolling closer to Remus. The taller boy planted his hands on either side of Remus' head. "YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO PEOPLE! You can't just prance around like some fucking tease! You could have been seriously hurt!"

Remus allowed himself the smallest most tender of smiles. _I guess you do care about me enough to scream. _"And?" He asked softly, knowing Sirius had more to say.

"You can't just tell me 'you can do anything, I don't care!' I'm not that strong you know! Nobody is…Besides, only a dick, lower then slim would use an opportunity like that to get into your pants. And I was almost that dick." Sirius grumbled. He rolled back to the other side of the bed, not looking at Remus.

Remus wiggled closer to Sirius. The werewolf gently brushed a stand of dark hair from Sirius' face. "Siri I gave you an opportunity to get into my pants, and if you'd have taken it, then it would be nobodies fault but mine. So don't say it would have been your fault. I'm sorry that I led you on like that."

"If you weren't I'd have to banish you to Peter's bed." Sirius smirked, he rolled over and chuckled as Remus blushed. "Twenty five bucks your son hung over tomorrow you don't remember any of this." Sirius said softly. Remus smiled and closed his eyes. Sirius smiled, a bittersweet smile. He let his arms curl around Remus unconscious slender frame and kissed the werewolves' head lightly. "Good night Remus."

Sirius quickly fell asleep, not noticing the wicked grin that spread across Remus' face, or Remus snuggling closer to him.

A/N: AWWWW so cute! Just wanted to clear up, chapter five had nooooothing to do with the actual story. It was just a silly spoof to keep me from losing focus.


	8. an idiot who's recovering from rejection

A/N: hahah…yeah…as some of you have noticed grammar really isn't my…thing. But to answer a few questions, yes Sirius is a complete man whore, yes there is more, and yes, Dorain Gray if anyone can guess what book he is based off of they get a special request. Muhahaha….now….next chapter.

When Sirius woke the next morning he realized two things, one Remus was considerably closer then he had been last night, and two, there was only one body in the bed next to him. And Sirius knew the said body in the other bed was Peter by the way it was completely under the covers.

But the dark haired boy just looked down at the sleeping Remus and smiled. The werewolf looked so sweet and innocent when he was sleeping. Sirius couldn't help himself, he planted the tiniest of kisses on Remus' golden head before slipping out of bed and hobbling over to the shower. With a yawn Sirius slipped into the bathroom.

Not even looking at what he was doing Sirius switched on the hot water when suddenly a piercing shriek filled the small bathroom. Sirius leapt a foot in the air at the shriek and then instead of landing on his feet he fell forward, into the shower cutain. The thin curtain couldn't hold Sirius weight and Sirius fell into the bathtub/shower right ontop of the screaming body.

"Ah!" Sirius yelled. "IT BURNS THE PRECIOUS!"

The figure underneath him struggled and yelled. "Ah!" The figure shrieked. "Fuck that's hot!"

The two grappled for a few minutes before the figure underneath Sirius, flipped Sirius over and sat on his chest. "James!" Sirius gasped at he taller boy plopped on his chest.

"Oh hey Sirius! Morning!" James said cheerily, ignoring the very strange situation.

"Why the hell were you in the shower!" Sirius yelled.

"Hm? Oh! Well Peter was kicking me and talking in his sleep, I think he licked me!" James shuddered.

Suddenly the water was flicked off and they both looked up to see a very pissed off werewolf glaring at them. "Idiots." Remus muttered darkly. "Why the hell are you in the shower!"

"Well I got up to take a shower and like any sane person," Sirius shot James a look, "I assumed there would be no, psychopath sleeping in the shower, so I turned on the water, James screamed I freaked and fell into the tub!"

Remus elegantly raised en eyebrow.

"It's a perfectly normal situation Moony." James argued. Remus just shook his head and walked out. "Alrigth Siri, now you go to."

"Why!" Sirius exclaimed. "I need to take a shower so I can maintain my sex goddyness!"

"Rock paper scissors?" James suggested.

Thirty five seconds later Sirius plopped down on the bed next to Remus in a fresh pair of pajamas and flopped down on the bed. Sirius moaned in disappointment. He never won rock paper scissors.

"Rock paper scissors again?" Remus sighed teasingly.

"Don't want to talk about it." Sirius grumbled.

"Sirius it's rock paper scissors, I can't believe your jealous of James over a game. And a child's game at that."

"I don't want to talk about it."

Remus laughed.

When James slipped out of the shower Remus went in. James threw the alarm clock at Peter to wake him up. It didn't work. So James dragged Peter downstairs to the breakfast buffet as the smell of food was the only thing that would wake Peter up. Sirius was left alone in the room, wondering about his love interest.

_I wonder if he remembers what happened last night? _Sirius thought. _I bet he doesn't. _

And in the shower Remus sighed. He ran his fingers through his wet waves. _What was I thinking? I don't want Sirius that way…he's just my friend….Right? Okay so maybe I like him a little bit. _Remus' mind flew back to how safe he'd felt curled in Sirius' arms. Remus sighed again and flicked off the water. There was a knock on the bathroom door. "Come in Sirius."

"Hey Rem?" Sirius asked. He struggled not to stare at the very sexy werewolf, clad in only a towel. He noticed that Remus had tried to restring the shower curtain, it worked pretty well, except for the big whole…but Sirius ignored that. "Mind if I slip in the shower?"

Remus shrugged. His cheeks were bright, flaming red.

Sirius grinned and stepped into the shower. He flung his clothes over the top of the shower, they landed on Remus' head. "Sirius!" Remus cried, indignant.

"Sorry Moony!" the taller boy laughed, he turned on the water and sighed peacefully as it washed over him.

"Sirius?" Remus said softly.

"Yeah?"

"I remember…" Remus continued to comb his hair in the quickly steaming mirror.

There was a pause and then, "Good."

Remus smiled. He set the comb down and started to brush his teeth. He looked up and found Sirius standing right behind him. Remus froze. "Siri?"

Sirius' arms wrapped around the werewolf and he rested his head on Remus' shoulder. "Remus…I'm sorry. I'm sorry I always yell, and at like a complete prick. But…I care."

Remus was startled and then he smiled softly. He gently curled a hand in Sirius' thick hair. "I know."

Sirius looked up, and Remus saw those blue eyes unguarded and vulnerable. Usually there was that gleam of laughter, even if the situation wasn't even funny Sirius would always smile, if he wasn't smiling. Something was seriously wrong. A grin broke out on Sirius' face and that gleam was back. Remus was only half reassured to see Sirius smiling again. "So where are we going today boss man?"

"Well I was thinking we could go visit Quasimodo?" Remus teased.

Sirius eyes light up, it had long been his dream to see the home of his role model, Quasimodo. Scary? Yes. Sad? Yes. But so heartwarmingly Disney-esque that Remus couldn't help but smile.

A/N: okay that's it for now! Today I'm going to utah….or some place like that to ski for the next week or so. Probably won't have internet. Ahahah…..sorry….so by the time I get back which will be before april ninth I'll have two chapters fro this fic, caught up, and an outrage. Bye luv yall!


	9. an idiot who's found true love

A/N: HOLA! Back from spring break! Early! No not really I just screwed some dates up….ha….ha….ha…..right I'll just go back to the corner and keep typing…in the dark….in the rain….in the blistering cold….actually that last one was an oxymoron, so scratch that….not hyper on sugar and being on a plane with crazy old people all morning! Oh by the way, yes Dorian is from _the picture of dorian gray _which I am now supposed to be doing a book report for, but I am not because I amo (love in Spanish (I'm brushing up on Spanish which I suck at….well pretending to brush up on)) you guys so much! Yeah, you wonder why I'm reading dorian gray? Because I want my new school next year to think I'm smart….Oh and let me mention, pardon my French translation, I'm hopeless at languges…

"Hey Remus?" Sirius asked, the marauders were standing in front of their hotel. Remus was attempting to discipher a French map, James was trying to looked down at his nose, Sirius was starring at Remus' hair, and Peter was attempting to tie his shoe.

"Under the loop….through the bunny ears, cut up the bunny with a machete, eat the bunny raw, skip around the room," Peter mumbled. Suddenly all the marauders were starring at his odd shoe trying antics. "Cut of the bunny's ears, then fry the tail….." Peter looked up at them and asked innocently, "What?"

"Peter may I have whatever you're smoking?" Sirius asked politely. "I'd like to see if being high will help me read the map."

"Sirius don't joke about drugs!" James yelled. He jumped up on a stone and started to preach about the evils of drugs. "Drug ruin your life!" He ran back into the hotel, leaving the marauders starring in confusion after him. They heard a loud bang and a yell. Then they heard a cackling evil laughter. Seconds later James ran back out and leapt back onto the rock.

James held in one hand an egg and in the other a frying pan. "This is your brain!" He jammed the egg forward. "And this is drugs!" He then pushed the pan forward. Then he placed the egg on Peter's unsuspecting head and screamed as he brought the frying pan down on the egg and on Peter's head. "And this is your brain ON DRUGS!"

Sirius and Remus stood there stunned as James rammed the frying pan down on Peter's head, splattering the egg in a million directions. The small boy underneath the egg twitched before falling flat on the pavement.

James was still running around with the frying pan, bopping random things, proclaiming things like, "And this is your PET SNAKE on drugs!"

"Erm…." Remus began, he watched James run around nervously. "jamesy ol'pal?"

"Your mom's a pet snake on drugs!" Sirius yelled suddenly.

James twitched before running back to Sirius. "Your mom's mom is a pet snake on drugs!"

"Yeah well….Your mom's mom's mom is a pet snake on drugs!"

"Your mom's mom's mom's mom is a pet snake on drugs!"

"Your mom's mom's mom's mom's mom is a pet snake on drugs!"

"Your mom's mom's mom's…..mom's…." James suddenly went crossed eye, there were to many mom's swirling around in his brain. "Your cousin is a pet snake on drugs!"

Sirius sniffled, "Jez James, some friend you are! I told you not to talk about my cousin! Do you know how embarrassing it is to have a cousin whose a snake! And I told you not to talk about his drug addiction! It's not his fault!"

Remus shot Sirius a what-the-fuck glance and then shot James the same one. "James, be aware of Sirius' freaky family, Sirius, bad dog."

"Woof."

Remus smiled at Sirius and patted the taller boy on the head. "Good dog."

"Oh…." James murmured, looking down at Peter. "Is he okay?"

"Wanna just drag him inside and say a mass murder whose on the run from the Swedish cops whose name is Chucky, who kills, but really has a heart of gold hit Peter on the head because Chucky thought Peter was the son of the man who killed Chucky's camel Bernard?" Sirius suggested.

"And Bernard was always the best camel! He was Chucky's only family! They just wanted to fuck the system! That brave team, man and camel, camel and man!" James broke in, eyes shinning.

"Wanna just say he tripped?" Remus deadpanned.

Sirius and James exchanged a look.

"Yeah okay."

"Guess that works to."

"Good." The blonde growled. "Now let's go find somebody who'll help us read this bloody map."

"Je suis henry ! Merci pour demander, vous êtes très sexy!"

Remus slapped a hand to his forehead. Sirius and James weren't being any help as usual, leaving Remus to deal with a crazy Frenchman who wouldn't help them get to Notre Dame. "Non ! Non ! Pouvez-vous lire cette carte!"

"Je suis henry ! Merci pour demander!" The man said, getting annoyed. "Paraître le petit pot de sexe, allons obtenir une boisson !"

"Sirius what is he talking about!" Remus hissed to Sirius.

Sirius shrugged. "Bonjour je suis Sirius et vous êtes ?"

"Henry!" The Frenchman said pleased.

"Vous pouvez répéter que vous avez dit juste ?" Sirius asked politely.

"Sirius what are you talking about!" Remus whispered urgently.

"Well I said Hi my names Sirius who are you? And then he said, Henry! And then I asked him to repeat what he just said."

"Je suis henry ! Merci pour demander!" Henry repeated, "Paraître le petit pot de sexe, allons obtenir une boisson !"

"Ah!" Sirius exclaimed. "Well he said His name is Henry thanks for asking, look little sex pot let's go get a drink?"

Remus went bright red. "Notre Dame?" He mumbled to Sirius. But Sirius was no longer paying attention.

"YOU BASTARD!" Sirius screamed Henry. "Back of my bitch!" He grabbed Remus and ignored the blondes mew of protest. "Mine!"

"Pouvoir nous ne vous partageons pas le bâtard égoïste !" Henry yelled.

"No!" Sirius bellowed. "No share!" He squeezed Remus tighter. "I'm not sharring Remus! Get your own!"

"Must you objectify me!" Remus broke in.

"Oui!"

"Yes!"

James rolled his eyes. He pulled Henry and started to talk to him amiabally.

"Bastard." Sirius grumbled.

"What was he doing?" Remus asked innocently.

"He was hitting on my wolf." The taller Gryffindor growled.

"Since when am I your wolf?" Remus protested.

Sirius spun Remus around so he was facing Sirius and offered the blonde a feral grin. "Since now." Sirius whispered. He kissed Remus suddenly, he half expected Remus to push him back and punch him. But instead Remus pulled them both into a nearby alley so James wouldn't see them. Sirius pulled back and grinned at his wolf. "Better?"

"Much." Remus whispered huskily before locking his lips with Sirius' again. The werewolf felt Sirius' long fingers nestle in his golden waves and strong arms lift him up on the brick wall.

Remus now wrapped his own arms around Sirius head and let his fingers drift into Sirius' dark hair. Remus paused for a moment and drew away from Sirius. "You smell good."

Sirius laughed and nipped Remus' lip playfully. "We'd better get back to James."

"Yeah…." Remus agreed, half relieved, and half disappointed. He wanted Sirius to kiss him more, but suddenly the complications of dating, even kissing his best friend shot into his mind like poison.

Sirius could see disappointment in Remus' eyes. "Look do you want me to stop?"

Remus' eyes widened and he shook his head viciously. "No!" He blushed and then slapped a hand over his mouth. "Um….Gotta go!" He started too walked out of the alley.

The taller boy smiled and wrapped an arm around Remus' chest and kissed the werewolf's ear. "Well in that case then-"

"Remus! Sirius!" James called. "Where'd you go! I got directions to Notre Dame!"

"Oh, here James!" Sirius called back. He was off Remus in a flash and pointing down the alley. "I found a café!"

"But we just had breakfast!" James wined.

"So! I'm hungry!" Sirius grinned. "Come bitches!"

"I have no self respect." James sighed.

An hour later the three marauders were standing in front of the tall cathedrals of Notre Dame with a bunch of other torists. Each outfitted with a bag filled with cheap I heart France t-shirts and a coat.

"Ready?" Sirius asked, eyes shinning. _My dream! My dream has finally come to life! _

"Sirius do you have any self respect!" Remus growled.

"I lost the last shreds of dignity years ago."

"Me to." James sighed. "So come on Remus! Time to shed your last few shreds of dignity as well."

Remus sighed and took a deep breath.

"3…" Sirius started. "2……1!"

The three shoved the bags on their backs and quickly zipped up the coats and hunched over. Sirius was cackling hysterically, he started prancing around the crowd yelling things such as, "Freedom! Save my bitch!"

Remus looked like a disgruntled tomato and James was laughing at Sirius. "Into the chapel!" James proclaimed loudly. The other two hunch backs followed him….well Sirius had to drag Remus in….But the followed never the less.

"The bells! The bells!" Sirius cried. People pointed, laughed, gasped, shrieked, and a priest started to pray for their souls. Remus shut his eyes and joined James and Sirius in their yelling. "To the bell tower!" Sirius screamed.

The hunchbacks scrambled up the stairs and into the bell tower. They cleverly slipped past the two men collecting the fee of going into the bell tower. Though three boys running around screaming about the bells and the gypsies didn't exactly blend in with the crowd, they still didn't have to pay.

Sirius was starring out at the crowd, when suddenly he spotted a nearby gargoly statue. A wicked idea flashed into his mind and Remus looked over just in time to see the glint.

"Sirius….whatever you're thinking stop thinking!" Remus warned. He saw Sirius eyes lock on the gargoyle. "No! Sirius!" But he was to late, Sirius had swung onto the gargoyle and started to scream dramatically.

"FREEDOM! FREEDOM FOR THE GYPSYS!" Sirius hollered.

"Sirius you dumbass!" Remus screamed. But Sirius was still swinging around on the gargoyle. "I hope you die!"

"FREEDOM! FREE MY BITCH!"

"Sirius please don't die!"

"BEG FOR ME MOONY!" Sirius cackled. From the crowd below people were taking pictures of this 'hunchback' swinging on a gargoyle, dangling from the top of Notre Dame.

"Sirius please! Padfoot come back here now! Before I am forced to jump out after you!" Remus yelled shrilly.

"BEG HARDER!"

"That's it you egotistical maniac!" Remus yelled. Without thinking he suddenly leapt of the bell tower and grabbed onto Sirius. In midair he realized what he was doing and shrieked. Sirius' free arm wrapped around the slender, hyperventilating werewolf.

"FREEDOM!" Sirius cackled.

"Sirius!" Remus shrieked. "Put me back! Get us down!"

"Spoil sport." Sirius chided. He swung them back onto the bell tower to the delight of the fans below. "THANK YOU LAS VEGAS! I'LL BE HERE TILL….WELL I'M NOT SURE! BUT I'LL BE HERE TOMORROW!"

"You dumbass!" Remus hissed. "You could have gotten us killed!"

"I love you to baby." The taller boy slid behind one of the rocky columns and yanked Remus towards himself. He wrapped his arms around Remus and kissed him fiercely.

"Sirius stop!" Remus protested.

"Why?" Sirius asked softly. "I thought you liked it…"

"I do…" Remus whispered. He buried his face in Sirius' chest. "But…I guess…I gotta go!" Remus dashed off suddenly, leaving Sirius alone on the bell tower. Suddenly Sirius felt very, very alone. _Great I've just completely blew my chance with the love of my life…_


	10. an idiot running from love

Sirius watched Remus run away, should he run after him? Sirius shook his head and slid down to the floor, braced on the pillar. He only partly registered that he was still at the top of a bell tower and could fall off at any second. _I'm such an idiot! Why'd I come on so strong! _

"Sirius?"

The blue eyed Gryffindor looked up to see James kneeling in front of him. "Hey Jamsey." Sirius managed weakly.

"Where's Remus?"

Sirius barked a harsh laugh. "I chased him away."

"Er….Sirius? Not quite getting it…"

"I….um….kissed Remus after that French guy hit on him and I kinda thought that gave me leave to kiss him again….and I did and then he ran away!" Sirius sighed.

James dragged Sirius to his feet and pulled the grim off the edge of the bell tower. "C'mon, we need to talk about the subtle art of seduction."

"I don't get it! He liked it when I kissed him last time!" Sirius wined.

"I didn't see you two earlier…" James trialed off.

"Yeah I know, he kind of pushed us into an alley, he doesn't know that you know that I like him." Sirius explained. He stopped short and fell against the wall. "I think I love him James!" He again slid down to the floor, braced on the wall. Sirius on hand was on his face and he other rested on his knee. James sighed and plopped down beside him.

"Look Siri, don't blame yourself, and don't blame Remus either….Now, I think Remus likes you too."

"Really!" Sirius yipped happily.

"Slow down tiger! Remus is probably uncomfortable about liking you, partly cause you're also a guy, and partly cause you're his best friend and he's scared of ruining that friendship."

"But isn't being in love better then being friends!"

"Not always, Remus just doesn't want to ruin what he's got….You have to be careful, approached him like he's a scared little puppy who needs a hug. Apologize, tell him you're sorry for trying to rush him…just get him comfortable and talking…" James shrugged.

"Thanks James." Sirius grinned. James reached out to pat Sirius' shoulder in a manly way. Sirius sat there for a moment before leaping on James. "I love you Jamesy-boy!"

James was flat on the floor with a very happy Sirius atop him. James patted Sirius' back awkwardly. "I love you to Siri."

"Oh by the way, with Lily, tell her you think her hair's gorgeous, she hates it." Sirius said quickly before dashing off.

"…Her hair? Compliment her hair?" James pondered and then shrugged. "never thought of that before…"

Meanwhile Sirius was dashing through the halls of Notre Dame looking for his werewolf. Sirius suddenly saw a balcony with Remus on it. Remus' entire body was leaning against a pillar, his hair floated gently in the wind behind him. Sirius' breath caught for a moment just looking at him.

The wavy golden locks shimmered with blood red highlights in the bright sun. Sirius wanted to run his fingers through the hair so badly. He took a minute to compose himself before sneaking up behind Remus. He was silent as a mouse when his arms wrapped around Remus' neck, he felt Remus stiffed for a moment, but the werewolf relaxed when he felt Sirius silky hair brush his neck.

Sirius let his head rest on Remus' shoulder for a moment. He felt Remus' body twitch, either wanting to move away or come closer. He studied Remus' face, the mouth was turned up in a smile, but the amber eyes were sadly happy…almost remorseful. Sirius shut his eyes, in complete peace.

"I'm sorry…." Sirius whispered.

"I'm scared Siri….I don't want this to blow up in our faces….I don't want to be left hating you…" Remus said, just as softly.

"I'll do whatever you want, anything so you feel safe…"

"Padfoot…do you think this could ever really last?" Remus laughed harshly. The laugh felt forced and suddenly Sirius felt his heart plummet.

"I don't-"

"Look at you, you're the flirty playboy, and I'm the silent werewolf…" Remus said. Sirius shut his eyes, trying to ignore Remus. He didn't see the tears at the corners of the werewolf's amber eyes. "Like this'll ever work…" Remus' normally soft melodic voice was harsh, forced.

"But-"

"No buts Sirius….this is nothing, you're just horny and I just look girlish enough for you…okay?"

_That's not true Remus! Don't talk like that! You're hurting me you stupid airhead, I love you! _Sirius wanted to yell. But for the first time in his life Sirius was speechless, his full lips couldn't twist themselves to form words, his tongue was dry as sandpaper.

"It's just a fling…A stupid little fling." Remus hissed. Sirius wanted to block that sound from his ears, he couldn't bear to open his eyes and see Remus' vehement face. But Remus' face was vehement….he was trying desperately not to cry. Sirius couldn't bring himself to open his eyes.

"Is that what you want…for it all to just be a stupid fling?" Sirius finally asked.

"More then anything," Remus whispered, he hardly trusted his voice not to waver. As it was his voice sounded choked and strained. _Get off me Sirius! Don't lead me on you fuck! _He pushed Sirius off and walked away.

Sirius stood there, shocked, lonely, and shaken. He looked after Remus' body, swaying seductively as he walked, cold as ice. It seemed like the usual warmth the werewolf possessed had vanish, and Sirius would've killed for it to come back.

Remus wanted Sirius to come over and shake him, he wanted Sirius to come and kiss his tears away. He was crying now, he fought to keep his shoulder from quaking. As he walked away he realized that Sirius wasn't going to come and save him…He'd pushed Sirius away, it was just a fling.

Sirius couldn't bear to run over and touch Remus, stop him. He didn't want to see Remus' colder then ice face. But if Sirius had just ran after Remus, he'd see Remus was cold or cruel, Remus was crying, and he wanted Sirius as much as Sirius wanted him.

When Remus' figure disappeared Sirius slowly looked around. He saw a set of stone stairs that led to a garden. He remember hearing that there was a pretty garden behind Notre Dame. He walked stiffly down the stairs…trying to makes sense of what happened. His mind and body were almost numb.

Sirius started through the gardens, it was all nicely trimmed grass, neat bushes…It was all so disgustingly cliché, each hedge in line. It wasn't beautiful, it was horrible. Each flower was perfectly bright yelled, every herb perfectly matched the next. It so tame, so dead….so lifeless. _How could he say that? I don't understand! What did I do wrong…_

Where was the wild spirit of the earth? Was this what flowers are reduced to…Sirius bent down next to a bush of bright yellow flowers. He gently cupped his hand around one gently blossom. Each petal was as thin as gauze…each little ripple at the edge was trimmed, symmetrical. Sirius ripped the flower off the bush and let the wind carry it away. _Remus why did you run away again! I love you!_

The flower had no bite, the little flower was so weak and pitiful. Sirius watched sadly as it let itself be carried away by the wind. People sometimes said flowers represented love, tender and fragile. "Is that really what love is?" He wondered aloud. "So delicate and fragile…that a simple gust of wind can tear it apart…blow it away."

Sirius wondered deeper into the garden…looking for something. He didn't know what, maybe he was looking for Remus, or maybe a reason. Everything still stayed perfect and even, all the flowers bright peachy yellow, and all the hedges bright green. But something changed…the wind picked up.

The dark haired boy suddenly saw an iron gate. His eyes widened, the gate was crawling with wild ivy, untamed, uncharted. He smiled. One long fingered hand reached out to wrap around one cold iron bar. He pulled lightly on the gate, praying it would open. It did.

Sirius' face lit up, suddenly it was like a longing deep inside himself was satiated. He walked into the garden. Hedges of roses were everywhere, some hedges were black, other brilliant green. There were tiny Chinese maple trees everywhere, small, delicate, but wild. Their leaves were carried off by the wind and swirled around the garden.

The grim reached out to grab a luscious red rose. His hands curled around the stem, Sirius winced and pulled away. His finger tips were bleeding. He looked at the rose again and saw now, there were vicious thorns on it's stem.

Sirius smile grew, the numbness washed out of his body. "This is love." He whispered. The beautiful rose with its thorns. Remus was his rose, and every rose has it's thorns. That was love, unyielding, permanent, painful…He licked the blood of his fingers.

He loved Remus, and he was not about to let Remus' stupid bipolar decision ruin the best thing that ever happened to him. With a new determination Sirius walked quickly out of this beautiful garden. He gently closed the iron gate behind him and went forward through the tame garden, now he did not wonder, he knew exactly where he was going. Sirius' eyes suddenly latched on an older man, trimming one of the bushes. "Excuse me," The man looked up at Sirius and smiled. "You know that rose garden back there?"

"What rose garden?" The man asked puzzled. His English had a slight French accent.

"The rose garden! Behind the iron gate?" Sirius insisted.

"Sorry son, but there is no rose garden here…"

Sirius looked behind him, and he noticed with wide eyes there as no iron gate…there was just a brick wall, still crawling with ivy. "But I just…"

"A lot of people say they see roses back there." The gardener laughed. "They always go in looking for answers…and they come out looking like you., with all heir questions answered"

"…I imagined the roses?" Sirius whispered. He looked down at his finger tips, there were still angry red picks on his fingers. "That's impossible!"

"Oh no, I'm not saying you imagined it, but some people just say there's something special about these gardens."

Sirius grinned. "Yup, must be something special I guess…"

Remus wasn't sure where he was going. He was wondering around Paris desperate to find something to numb his pain. He just gave up on Sirius…He just let the love of his life slip though his fingers. _I don't love him! _He thought angrily. _He doesn't give a damn about me either! I'm just a fuck the toy! _

_That's not true…._The other corner of his mind whispered. _You love him, and he loves you..._Remus felt himself crying again. He needed a drink. Suddenly an image of the Moulin Rouge flashed in his minds eye.

He walked quickly in the direction of the club. When he finally saw it his eyes lit up. All he wanted to do was get so wasted he completely forget about Sirius. He saw the gates around it, and the court yard…It looked so different in the daylight, dead almost.

But Remus pushed opened the gate, he walked through the stone path in the courtyard, remembering where he tried to kiss Sirius on that wall over there. How horribly drunk he'd been…how Sirius slapped him. Remorse and self loathing washed through Remus. He scowled in disgust with himself and ran inside.

He whipped open the door and dashed inside. Harpies were milling about, practicing dancing with a few men. He saw Jack polishing glasses at the bar and ran to him. "Jack!"

"Oh hey Remus, little early to be clubbing." Jack teased.

"Just get me some of that green stuff again." Remus sniffled. He was going to cry soon.

"What's wrong little buddy?" Jack asked, he got the absinth and poured Remus a small glass.

"Everything! Me, Sirius, James, and this stupid trip!" Remus shouted, downing the glass.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"No."

Five minutes and two shots later Remus was sobbing.

"Remus do you want another shot?" Jack asked softly. "It wouldn't be good for you."

"I just blew off the love of my life! Get me drunk!" Remus commanded.

"What was her name?" Jack asked wincing. He did that once to.

"Sirius! It was a guy! My best fucking friend!" Remus sobbed. He downed another shot.

"Care to explain?" Jack laughed.

Remus slammed his glass on the bar and shook his head.

"Hey cutie,"

Remus looked back to see two Harpies, curling around him.

"Wanna have a good time?" The other asked.

"Nah, I'm not really sure I swing that way anymore…" Remus sniffled, with a small smile.

"Oh, okay then, good luck with finding out sweetie!" The Harpies gave him a kiss on the cheeks before vanishing again.

"Sure you don't want to talk about it?" Jack asked. "I'll give you some vodka if you do."

Remus drank another shot of Absinth and started. "I think I'm in love with him! And I just told him to fuck off! God I was horrible, now he hates me! I said he was a flirty playboy, and he is, but…" Remus laughed through his tears. "He's such an idiot, such a cute idiot! At the museum the other day he licked a painting cause he was hungry…and then he grabbed me and ran away….he was so stupid!"

"Remy you sound like you like him," Jack grinned, pouring a shot of vodka.

"And at school he's always playing pranks, he never just let's me sit out! He's so funny, and when he smiles his whole face lights up….I just don't want to loose him, I don't want him to end up hating me over a bad relationship! I know he'll cheat on me and-"

"As long as you know he loves you, why should you care who he fucks?" Jack interrupted. "Does he love every girl he fucks?"

"No…"

"Then they're nothing, just flings…"

"That's what I told him!" Remus cried, falling into another peel of sobs.

"Look Remus, if you're scared of love, then you'll never find it." Jack sighed. "I learned that the hard way, and I lost the most important person in the world because I was scared."

"Who?" Remus sniffled.

"Why hello Remus, fancy seeing you here…" A voice behind Remus purred.

Remus whirled in his seat to see Dorian standing behind him, hands on hips with a smirk playing on his lips.


	11. idiots with broken hearts and absinth

A/N: ….Opps…Sorry you guys, I accidently changed the bartender dudes name to jack….yeah well he's a skitzophrenic, now he's Johnny, lols. No really his name's Johnny! Augh, sorry about that!

"Oh…..Hey Dorian…" Remus said with a small smile. He wasn't expecting to see Dorain here. He didn't notice Johnny's normally bright face turn dark, he turned away from Dorian to the backside of the bar. Dorian's face erupted in a beautifully mocking smile. Remus grinned. "What's so funny?"

"Oh nothing…" Dorian laughed, eyes fixed on Johnny's back. "What are you doing here so early?"

"Oh….Fight, I-somebody was pissing me off." Remus said darkly.

"I see…"

"Yeah, not pretty."

"Hm," Dorian reached out and wrapped an arm around Remus' shoulders. Remus stiffened. Something was wrong about this, very, very wrong. A blush heated Remus' cheeks. _I…I should leave now…_The logical part of his mind decided. But Remus didn't want to leave. "It sounds rough, you look like you've had a tough time…"

_He's not Sirius! _Remus' mind screamed. _Get him off! _"Uh…" Remus laughed nervously. He felt Dorian move closer so the older man was pressed against his back. Remus shut his eyes and spoke, he didn't want to look at Dorian. He didn't want to other man to see the confusion in his amber eyes. But Dorian's eyes were anywhere but on Remus, in fact they were fixed on Johnny's back. "Yeah…."

"I have a room in the back…a lounge. How about we go back there, hm? Something warm to eat, nice champagne, soft warm candle light…" Dorian suggested, mouth so close to Remus' ear, Remus could fell those soft lips brush his ear.

Johnny turned his head to glare at Dorian. "Don't fucking touch him!" He mouthed silently.

"Make me…" Dorian mouthed back, adding a playful nip at Remus' ear.

Remus' eyes were still shut, "Uh….That'd be nice…"

"Well then, let's away my little fox…" Dorian smirked. Remus slipped off the stool, and allowed Dorian's hand to curl around his hip, leading him away. Remus settled his head nervously on the swell of Dorian's chest. _He's not Sirius! Don't touch him! _His mind screamed again. "Fuck it." Remus whispered softly. He nuzzled Dorian's chest. _Fuck Sirius, and fuck feelings… _

Dorian smirked and glanced over his shoulder at Johnny. He blew the furious bartender a kiss before waltzing off with his prize.

"Shit!" Sirius cursed loudly. He was standing alone in the streets of Paris, looking for a sexually confused werewolf, no this was not a good situation. He'd already left James…well more left without telling him. "If I were a sexually confused werewolf where would I be?"

Sirius ran to the nearest café, no, no Remus there. He sighed and cursed. "Were does he know? Where's he comfortable….Somewhere he can get a drink….no consequences…" Sirius' head jerked up like a light bulb had gone off in his head. "Moulin Rouge."

The dark haired boy pranced off in the direction of the club. "Oh yeah, Siri's good!"

Soon he was running inside the Moulin Rouge, it looked different during the day, Harpies were still milling around, he scanned the thin crowd for a head of wavy blonde hair, nothing. He glanced over at the bar and saw Johnny, furiously attacking a glass with a wash cloth.

"Hey man…"

"….Not happy…" Johnny hissed.

"So you're taking it out on the glass? What did the glass ever do to you!" Sirius teased.

"Woah! Sirius!" Johnny gasped, looking up suddenly. "Remus! Trouble! Bastard! Drink! Dorian!"

"Erm…I heard Dorian so I assume Remus is in trouble?"

"Dorian dragging Remus to back room! Stupid bastard, always trying to settle the fucking score." Johnny hissed. "Go! Save your love from being molested!"

"He's not really my love…" Sirius spat. Suddenly anger at Remus washed through him.

"Look, he loves you, he came in here and started rambling on and on about how great you are. He's scared, just take it slow….be carefully with him…He fragile." Johnny sighed. He pointed to a narrow hall, lit with red lights. "That way, last door."

Sirius quickly thanked Johnny and then ran down the hall way. The red lights were freaky, the red velvet and leather collars hanging off the wall were freakier. He saw the last door in the hall and ran for it. It was draped in layers over the door.

The Gryffindor took a deep breath and opened the door slowly. He quickly snuck through the layers of black and red gauze to see a round red velvet couch, curved around a table with champagne and roses. The entire area had black gauze around it.

"Hm…Dorian stoppit…" Remus giggled. Dorian had Remus pressed against a black wall.

"Hm….No…I think you like it…" Dorian's voice came teasingly in response. Sirius gritted his teeth and clenched his fists.

"Ahaha…uh…Dorian?" Remus asked, he was nervous now, Sirius could tell by his tone. Then the werewolf erupted in fits of giggles.

Sirius walked slowly up to Dorian, he saw the man's hand on the small of Remus' back, and start to slip lower. It dawned on him suddenly, Remus was drunk…Sirius suddenly leapt on Dorian, pushing him roughly away from Remus. Sirius vaugly heard Remus' yelp of surprise as he tumbled to the floor without Dorian's support.

But Sirius was to busy punching Dorian. "You fucking Bastard! You fucking loser, rapist, He's drunk for god's sake and you're still trying to get into his pants!" He gave Dorian one solid punch and the man fell still. Sirius got to his feet and roughly hauled Remus up.

"C'mon, can you stand?" Sirius asked. Remus stood, and holding tightly to Sirius hand allowed the taller boy to lead him away. He looked back and suddenly noticed Dorian wasn't on the ground anymore.

"Sirius!" Remus squeaked.

"Remus?" Dorian called sweetly, "Come back, time for you to come back to master…" Both Gryffindors heard the click of a gun. Sirius bolted and Remus stumbled for a moment. The two ran, hand in hand into the club, they heard Dorian's footfalls stop behind them.

Sirius looked back at Remus, who was grinning like an idiot, angrily he pitched the werewolf into a wall and pinned the blonde there with his body. "What were you thinking! He could have killed you!"

Remus opened his mouth to speak but Sirius roughly jammed a hand against his mouth.

"No! No you stupid bastard! You shut up and listen to me! I'm not going to always fucking be there to save your slutty little ass. HE COULD HAVE KILED YOU! He would have…." Sirius snarled. "You stupid brainless whore."

In a burst of strength Remus shoved Sirius off him and gasped. "You just wanted to get into my pants too huh? You would have left me there wouldn't you!" Remus sneered. Sirius gazed up at him from the floor, completely shocked. He got to his feet slowly "You don't give a fuck about me? I'm just a slut whose a good fuck, is that it Sirius! Well I'm sorry you didn't get to see your whore get fucked, you would have liked the show."

Sirius' eyes were fixed on his feet, but suddenly he looked up and punched Remus right in the jaw. "You ass." He snarled. "You filthy bastard!" The blonde gasped and put a hand to his jaw, rubbing it.

The entire club was now looking at the two, shocked. Sirius didn't care, more shame for Remus. "I fucking offered you my heart in my hands, I practically told you I loved you! I LOVED YOU! I cared about you, I just poured my heart out on the floor for you! And you know what you do? You step on it! You just trample my feelings into the ground!"

"That's not true!" Remus argued. "You…never told me you loved me…." He finished weakly. He couldn't find any other come back to Sirius' arguments. That punch sobered him up. _Oh fuck…_Remus thought.

"I made it cleared then day Remus! And you knew it! You knew I loved you! You're so fucking sick!"

"Shut up Sirius!" Remus yelled.

"You're just a whore, you just like playing with people's hearts don't you? You catch 'em and then you squash 'em on the floor!" Sirius screamed.

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" Remus screamed.

"You're so fucking cold, Remus can never show emotion, or say how he feels, well you're just such a fucking martyr. You sacrifice you're feelings for what? FOR WHAT REMUS!

"I-I…I don't know, alright!" Remus shouted.

"You've got such a cold heart….You don't care about anyone…I gave you my heart and you threw it away it…Go fuck Dorian, see what I care…That's what you like isn't it? Playing with people's hearts?"

"That's not true." Remus cried softly. Tears trickled down his cheeks.

"Talk is cheap Remus." Sirius said coldly, before leaving. Nobody spoke. Remus stood there crying. He watched Sirius go, heart aching almost as much as his jaw. The werewolf finally ambled slowly over to the bar, Johnny was glaring at him.

The bartender slammed a bottle of absinth down in front of him without a word. Remus took a sip and started to sob again. "You know, it's kind of funny, cause I ended up exactly where I started…" he sniffled. Johnny glanced back at him and sighed. "And both times I guess it was my fault huh…"


	12. an idiot whose finally found love

Remus sobbed for a few moments and Johnny left him alone. "And….What id I do to deserve this!" Remus yelled suddenly.

Johnny finally sighed and whirled around to face Remus. He snatched the absinth away from Remus and glowered at the smaller boy. "Remus, you deserve everything Sirius said to you, and that punch! Alright, so neither of you acted like saints, but that's no reason to get hysterical! Do you remember when I told you I fell for a harpy?"

"Yeah."

"Well she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen…" Johnny sighed wistfully. "With eyes like stars and hair like silk under the moon….I was going to marry her. We were so affectionate, always holding hands and touching…She was so….perfect, I couldn't imagine anything was wrong."

"What happened?" Remus asked, leaning foreword.

"She left me….I found her sitting at a table with some guy, laughing and giggling like she did with me, I couldn't believe it, and when I asked what the fuck was going on? She just kept laughing, she told me it had gotten to serious to fast…She wasn't ready to think of marriage." Johnny sighed. "I always thought she saved that laugh just for me…that she would only laugh like that around me. But then I saw, she was just an act, even if her mother died, she'd still just laugh…"

Remus shifted uncomfortably. "Johnny that's really terrible, but how does that relate to my current problem?"

"A week later the guy beat her up and tossed her in an alley like trash. She came to me and begged for me to let her come back, and I said no…I wouldn't let her come back, I wouldn't live with a shell."

"So Sirius is going to reject me and regret it the rest of his life?" Remus sighed. "So helpful."

"…Yeah I guess that wasn't the best story…"

"I don't even think I like girls…"

Johnny sighed. "Okay….Well…Allow me to continue then….A couple days later, I was still sore about losing her, after all I thought she was the love of my life…I wondered in here, and then…I saw a guy…He was dancing with everyone, right in the center, the life of the of the party…It wasn't till later I realized he was a…a…"

"He was a harpy." Remus finished.

"Yeah, the biggest harpies of them all, I thought he would be different from the girls…I always think that the one I fall for is actually different…" Johnny laughed harshly. "But I loved him anyway, I ran into his arms and never wanted to leave."

"Who was he?"

"Dorian Gray." Johnny sighed. Remus' eyes went as wide as watermelons. "We both knew, eventually, that we were made for each other…we were so fucking in love."

"It doesn't seem like you are anymore." The werewolf growled.

"He was always a whore, I didn't mind…for a while. But soon I just couldn't deal with him sleeping with other people so I snapped. I wrecked his apartment, and when he came back we fought like we'd never fought before, we threw thing, he hit me, I hit him back, I think we broke a window…But after he left…I tried to kill myself. He found me bleeding to death on the kitchen floor and took me to the hospital."

Remus winced. "How could you still love him after all that?"

"Because," Johnny said with a wistful smile, "Dorian was only made to love one person, and sadly that was me. He didn't love any of his one night stands, only but me, and I could never stop loving him…"

"Then why don't you get back together?"

"…What would I say? What would we do…He feel's to guilty to come up to me…and…so we started to hate each other…while loving each other… were never friends. I guess that sort of added to the whole weirdness of it….We loved each other, but we weren't friends."

"What if Sirius and I end up like that?" Remus asked, burying his face in his hands. "I don't want to risk what we have now….But I love him…"

"Do you want to spend the rest of your life thinking about him? Missing him? Needing him?" Johnny asked. He shot a glare towards the back rooms where Dorian was. "It's really not as romantic as it sounds…."

"I guess I need to apologize?"

"…Well it's a good place to start…maybe…"

It was dark out when Remus left the Moulin Rouge. The amber eyed boy looked around for a minute. _Sirius? Where the fuck are you…_He wondered around Paris, praying he'd find a certain dark haired boy.

Hours later, disillusioned and lonely Remus walked back to the hotel and into the golden lobby. He sighed, and suddenly a figure caught his eye. Flaming red hair flashed into Remus' vision. It was all he needed to storm over to the figure.

Dorian had the nerve to show up, after all he'd done. As Remus stalked over to him, he realized something. Dorian was slumped in his chair, head bowed, hair obscuring is face. "You have the never to come back here?" Remus snarled. "You manipulative bastard."

Dorian tossed something at Remus' feet, it hit the floor with a clatter. The werewolf looked down and saw a gun, lying on the marble tiled floor. Remus bent down and gently picked up the object up, careful not to press any triggers.

"Just do it." Dorian whispered, in a torn voice.

"I….I know about you and Johnny…"

"All of fucking Paris knows!" Dorian shouted suddenly. "I fucking screwed him over again, that's all I'm good for right? Fucking up people's lives…he was going to go to collage you know, before he met me. And then he dropped out, just to live with me. He was just a kid…Now he's a bartender…"

Remus felt his anger at Dorian wash away and be replaced with pity. _I won't let us end up like this…_Remus decided. "Then talk to him…I don't know what to say. You're an ass, and you didn't care enough about what you had. Sorry isn't enough, you ruin someone's life and sorry doesn't mean shit…" Remus suddenly realized he was less talking to Dorian and more to himself. "I have something to do now…"

He walked quickly away from Dorian towards the elevator, head buzzing with ideas. The only image in his mind was Sirius. He pressed the up button, and waited as the elevator came down from the sixth floor. There was a small beep and Remus was ready to race into the elevator when he came face to face with Sirius Black.

Remus' eyes never left Sirius' for that one second. First those azure orbs flashed with joy, longing, happiness, then rage, sorrow, and finally the eyes settled on a cold clear gaze. Sirius' eyes looked a tornado inside a glass box, a whirlwind of emotions threatening to shatter the cool exterior at any moment.

"Remus."

"I'm a stupid bastard…" Remus said, his eyes downcast. "I was an idiot, I acted like an animal and I deserve everything you're about to say."

"Move, Remus." Sirius said coolly, the glass coating on his eyes was still in tact.

"I destroyed you, I killed whatever love you felt for me, and I'm so fucking sorry! But I know now…I guess….I guess sorry doesn't mean anything does it…"

"No, it doesn't, it means nothing, especially coming from you. Now move."

"I was stupid, and scared. I'm still scared Sirius! I just cared about me, I led you on and I fucking killed everything."

"Move Remus." Sirius said again, his composure was shattering.

"And at Notre Dame, I was scared! You didn't do anything wrong! If I wasn't such a coward I wouldn't have said those things…"

"Move Remus!" Sirius snarled, there was a desperate look in his eyes. The glass was shattering, the tornado was resurging.

"But in the past few hours I've felt worse then I ever have in my life, I feel like I'm missing a part of me! Sirius I love you! I need you, I can't live without you! And I'm not fucking exaggerating or being melodramatic, I need you, and without you I'm going to wither."

"WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU THINK OF THAT SOONER!" Sirius exploded. "I CAN'T DO THIS! YOU CAN'T DO THIS! What were you thinking! What are you thinking? I want to care, I really do Remus. But I can't deal with that again!"

Remus amber eyes were shimmering with tears. "I want to be with you, and I know you want to be with me! I don't want to be scared anymore, I don't want you to hurt anymore…I know I was wrong, and I've been wrong this entire trip! But now I'm not…This is what I want."

Sirius pushed Remus back against the wall and pinned him there. "So, you want this? I'm fucking crazy Remus! I from a family of dark wizards, I'm a freak. I want things to Remus, it's not just about what you fucking need! I don't care about what you think or what you want."

"I care about what you want."

"THEN WHY DID YOU SAY I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST A GOOD FUCK!" Sirius screamed. "I LOVED YOU! I still fucking love you, and I won't let you do that to me again. I won't let you near me again, got that!" He backed away from Remus.

"...Sirius please don't say that…You're important to me…you're everything you m…I mean we can still be friends?"

"You're pathetic! What do you think!" Sirius sneered. "Screw me over like that and then ask can we be friends? NO! We can't fucking be friends, in fact I never want to see you again. You fucking bastard! Even after what you said at Notre Dame I was ready to try again, Remus. But what do you do? You go fuck Dorian!"

"I JUST WANTED YOU!" Remus screamed back. "Why didn't you come after me! Why didn't you stop me!"

"Because, if you want to play the martyr I'll let you. You killed me, you fucking killed me! I don't want to even touch you! I don't want to remind myself that I love you!" Sirius hissed.

Remus looked away, crying a little. "Don't say that…I'm not a disease…If you run away I'll follow you. You love me, you can't escape that. Now you're playing the martyr."

"Remus…Yeah I love you, listen to me, and listen to me clearly." Sirius took a step closer to Remus and pressed his lips against Remus' ear. "You can walk away right now Remus, if you want to save whatever friendship we have left. I won't stop you and we'll forget this ever happened. I can't be hurt like that again, okay?"

"What's my other option?" Remus asked softly.

"I'm not giving you one." Sirius snarled.

Remus suddenly looked up at Sirius and met his stormy blue eyes head on. Remus nuzzled closer to Sirius and twined his arms around Sirius' neck. "Well I'm not walking away. Fuck friendship. I love you, you are my mate…I can't escape that, and I'll always be here with you. I was inhuman, I was cold, and I was a monster. And I'm not asking you to forgive me for that. You can forgive me whenever the fuck you want, or never it doesn't matter. As long as you'll let me be with you forever, as a lover, a friend, a slave…a fucking pet! Just let me be there."

Sirius' arms stayed rooted to his sides, not wrapping around Remus, there was not movement in Sirius' body save for his breathing. Remus' heart plummeted. He cried softly now. Remus loosened his arms from Sirius' neck.

"Please?"

"It's all just words." Sirius said softly. "And I can't base my life on half assed declarations of love."

"Fuck you, then." Remus said coolly. "I LOVE YOU! And I was a fucking dumb ass to ever try and deny it." He shouted hotly. "And I want you to be with me, fucking now and forever."

"And are you scared of losing me again?" Sirius asked quietly.

"Hell yes!" Remus yelled. He hugged Sirius' neck tighter and rested his head on Sirius' slumped shoulder, standing on his tip toes and shut his eyes. "You can shoot me with silver bullets, hand me over to death eaters, make me Dumbledore's sex slave for Christ's sake, but just don't leave me.."

They stood there for a moment. "You can still walk away." Sirius reminded Remus.

Remus looked back up at Sirius' face. "I can always just walk away, and fuck you Sirius Black, I never will." He pressed his chin against Sirius' shoulder again and waited.

Arms curled tentatively around the small of his back and Remus started to cry harder. "If you ever do, I'll kill you." Sirius said with a hint of amusement in his voice. Remus laughed and cried at the same time.

"I love you…" Remus finally sniffled.

"I've been waiting for you to say that." Sirius laughed softly.

**The End**

A/N: Well this is the end people! There's going to be an epilogue and maybe even a sequel…not sure what it'll be about, but I might do one. Well I just want to say thank you soooo much to all of my reviewers, and to the people who read this and didn't review. Thank you all for you're support, this story wouldn't have been finished without you guys!


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